It's Like I've Died and Gone to Forks

It's Time

2011-11-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

The time has come. I'm changing my blog. I'll now be posting at Our Delightful Song. I need a new space and a new outlook. I'll still be posting family news, projects I'm working on, and all the randomness that floats through my head. Join me, won't you?

Another Red Letter Day

2011-11-16T07:01:00.000-08:00

I have another post up at the Power of Moms. Check it out! I'm so excited!

This Is Me: Forgiveness

2011-10-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

Probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life is forgive the Z-man and forgive myself for what happened at the beginning of our marriage. It was not smooth sailing. We both came into the relationship with issues, hot-buttons, and high expectations. Unfortunately, they all happened to line up quite nicely, and within a few months, we were having serious difficulties.

After a few months with a not-so-effective therapist, I decided to leave him. It was the hardest and most heart-wrenching decision of my life. But we were both hurting each other non-stop, and it couldn't go on. Through the next 2-3 years, we both worked very hard to re-establish our relationship, fix our own issues, and gain the skills and tools we needed to make our marriage a good one. And I think we succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.

How could I not love this man, after all.

But one of the hardest parts of this whole journey was forgiving him for things he had done and said to hurt me. Sometimes he meant to (he was hurting too after all), but most often he had no idea how hurt I was. I was not good at telling him in a way he could understand.

It took a lot of prayer, a lot of tears, a lot of talking, and a lot of time before I was able to let go of everything. But oh, so worth it.

He is my world, my everything, my best friend, my lover, my heart and soul.

I also had a lot to forgive myself for. Namely, not being the perfect wife I always hoped to be. For being human, making mistakes, and not knowing all the answers right away.

I certainly wasn't perfect, and I needed to change my behavior in a lot of ways. We're still working on a lot. Who isn't, after all.

There are also times when something from that time comes back to haunt me. I will remember something the Z-man said or did, and it starts to hurt all over again. But I find that every time I let it go, it's easier than the time before. Because I can't erase those years from my memory (nor would I really want to), I will always have hard memories pop up from time to time. And I'm still not perfect. Sometimes I stew over them for a day or two.

But then I look at these pictures, I see something he as done for me, I see our beautiful children, I remember the countless times he has proven his love for me, and I can let it go. I don't have to hold onto the bad, and I can still cherish the good.

Without him by my side, I wouldn't be half the woman I am today. Nor would I stand a chance of someday being the woman I want to be. I can't wait to see how high we can help each other climb.

Projects: How Do They Do It?

2011-10-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have to confess--I was hoping to post last night about a finished project or an organizing effort I had made this last week. But the sad truth is that I didn't finish much. Not much that stayed finished, anyway. I usually try to do something, no matter how small, that stays done. That way, I can point to it the next day and say, "I did that." But between finally recovering from lots of illness (the whole family), and trying to stay on top of keeping the house reasonable, I haven't spared the time to work on any projects.

There are a lot of blogs/websites that I love to visit where people post pictures nearly every day of things they've done or are working on. And I have to wonder, HOW!?!? How in the world do they find time to do so much and not drop dead of exhaustion?

I have been spending a lot of time planning out things to come: Halloween costumes, Christmas gifts, a whole house makeover for next year. I guess that has been my project this week. Unfortunately, that doesn't lend itself very well to pictures. And you really, REALLY don't want to see any pictures of my house yet. Trust me on this one, it looks awful tonight.

Maybe next week I'll have more progress to report. If nothing else, maybe my dishes will be done BEFORE I pass out for the night. I can always hope. . .

Family Update, Again

2011-10-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

The past week or two has been really busy. Which, of course, means that I'm behind on gathering and loading pictures. So, pictures will be coming later.

Lately we've been:

Celebrating Munchkin's birthday with pizza, frozen yogurt, a 3D movie for the whole family, and dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Because of schedules and sickness, the celebrations were strung out over nearly a week. Lucky Munchkin.

Stake Volleyball has started, and I am reminded yet again how much I hate the Z-man's schedule. Finding a babysitter every single time I want to do something on a weeknight really stinks.

Zippy is devouring every single book he can get his hands on. I just bought 5 more for him and I think there might be 1 he hasn't finished in the past 3 days. Yeah!!!

Little Man now tells me when his diaper is messy. Kinda gross, but other mothers will understand why that's exciting. Potty training and an end to diapers is on the horizon.

The Z-man is working a mandatory 6-day work week until further notice. Gah. As if we didn't struggle to spend time together already. Hopefully, it will only last a few weeks. Work hard and catch up on the trucks guys!!!!

I sang with the choir at the Relief Society General Broadcast. It was AMAZING!! I'm glad to have my Sunday evenings back, but I miss singing. I've already threatened to drop in on my sister's choirs when she's back to teaching school. "Don't mind me. . .I'm just going to join your sopranos for a few minutes."

General Conference (the few parts I actually heard) was wonderful. I can't wait for the November Ensign to arrive so I can actually take in everything they said.

I've been playing way too much on Pinterest. I keep promising the Z-man this will be the end of my obsession with magazines and tear files. I think he's a little excited about that.

Zippy and the Z-man survived a BAD case of stomach flu. The rest of us escaped relatively unscathed. Thank goodness. Never want to do that again. It's rare for the Z-man to be that sick, and NO ONE enjoys it.

I'm sure there's more but I don't remember it right now. Mommy brain, you know. Plus, posts without pictures aren't nearly so exciting. Hopefully, pictures to come soon.

HUGE Announcement

2011-09-21T12:01:00.000-07:00

Today marks a first step in a life-long dream of mine. A website I love and respect has published at article by ME!!!

Check it out at The Power of Moms

I am seriously so excited and overwhelmed that I don't know what else to say! Read it, comment if you want, and tell everyone!!

September Catch-Up

2011-09-20T06:11:00.000-07:00

We've been a busy family for the past month or so. I'm finally taking a few moments to catch up.

Zippy started 2nd grade. He looks much taller to me against our door this year. So far, he's loving it! I really hope that continues for a long time. I could do without some of the drama we had last year.

I always let them take a silly picture too. It makes us both laugh. Zippy has also advanced to a green belt in TaeKwonDo. We're so proud of him. He gets to start sparring in class now, and it's very exciting.

Munchkin started Preschool this month. She was so excited I thought she might burst before it was time to go. Every day she asks if it's a preschool day just as soon as she wakes up.

Even Munchkin's silly picture is beautiful to me. She has also started a ballet/tap class for the Fall. She loves the twirling best of all. But the noise of the tap shoes cannot be undervalued.

The Z-Man has been busy too. He's been fixing lots of cars--and even our neighbor's Harley. We couldn't pass up the opportunity for a fun photo before he returned it. Maybe someday I'll have one of my own.

The Z-Man also brightens my days considerably. The morning after a very hard day, I woke up to find this beautiful bouquet in my kitchen. Isn't he sweet? Even coming home in the middle of the night, he found somewhere to buy flowers to make me happy.

I've been busy too. Not just helping everyone else with their stuff, either. I finally got around to putting in a big half-barrel planter in front of the house and filling it with Autumn color. I've done lots of planning, cleaning, gardening, and, most exciting of all, writing.

It's been a very busy month for us. And we're loving it.

2011-08-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

This is going to be another of my not-so-perfect posts.

I was hoping to get it in yesterday, but I was too exhausted by the time the kids were asleep. That happens way too often for my liking.

The past few weeks for our family have been hectic to say the least. The following list of events probably doesn't even cover half of what we've been up to. In no particular order:

Munchkin broke her collar-bone. Or, rather, Zippy broke it for her when he sat on her.

Zippy started 2nd grade--yeah for school!!!

Little Man now calls me Daddy and uses "car" for just about everything else.

Grandma K came to visit.

The dishwasher broke--and it probably won't be fixed for quite a while.

Our van nearly died and needed some new gaskets and spark plugs and wires.

I began rehearsals for a special Relief Society choir (more to come on that later).

We braved the crowds for a $2 Tuesday at Thanksgiving Point Farm Country. Never Again.

Z-Man is now ASE Master Certified in Medium/Heavy Duty Trucks. YEAH!!!

The kids and I visited a fun splash park and went swimming with Grandma T.

And just this morning, Munchkin stuck a small round bead in her ear! Back to the Instacare!

We've been busy. I'm ready for the crises to pass and the money to stop flowing out of our accounts. Nothing else can break--children included.

And before you ask, yes I do have pictures of many of these events. They'll come later when I'm not 3 hours behind schedule due to another trip to see a doctor.

This is Me--O Remember, Remember

2011-08-17T18:12:00.000-07:00

Have I seen the hand of God in my life today?

Thinking back upon my day has made me wonder. It hasn't been a perfect day by any stretch of the imagination. Roads were closed, appointments had to be rescheduled, waits were longer than expected, projects were bigger than I thought, demands were higher and energy was too low to meet them all. But in spite of that, there were some glaring reminders that Heavenly Father loves me. I just had to think back long enough to see them.

I was blessed with a friend who stopped by unexpectedly. Katy made a trip to WalMart a joy instead of a chore. She raised my spirits when they desperately needed it.

Lisa called and reminded me that I am strong for asking for help--not weak like I feel most days. She shared my joy in the things that are going well, and understood those that aren't what I want them to be. She reminded me that my life is full of blessings--and it's OK if those blessings are hard to deal with sometimes.

I met with a talented and compassionate health professional today that listened, understood, and offered help with no trace of pity or judgment. Instead, she offered hope, cheer, and the promise of continued help.

My difficult day has been full of those who love me--sent to help me by a Father who loves me more than I can imagine.

This is a day to remember.

Projects and Goals: Reevaluation Needed

2011-08-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to post some updates about projects I've finished lately, or progress I've made on my goals for the year. But as I look around today, I can't see anything to talk about. The house is a mess, as usual, unfinished projects are piled on every available shelf in my bedroom, and I've made no appreciable progress on any goals in quite some time.

So instead of an update, I'm giving myself a little kick in the pants. I have one week to get Zippy ready for school, and only a couple more than that to get Munchkin ready for both preschool and ballet. I need to reevaluate and recommit to my goals. I have found and personalized a plan to take me and my family through the Fall and clear into the Holidays with much more organization and planning than we have ever had. I'm excited for new beginnings and the renewed energy I'm praying will come with them.

My goals for this week are to finish at least one project, get Zippy ready for school, reevaluate my goals and set small steps for each of them, and to blog. Seriously, I need to blog. In my perfect world, I would post here at least every weekday. I guess we'll see how I do this week. Oh, and I have a lot of memorizing to do. I need to have 4 hymns memorized by Sunday for a Relief Society choir I will be part of. Am I ready, of course not. I have almost 2 of them ready. Lots of work for the days ahead--yipee.

Wish me luck.

Computer Drama

2011-07-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

I was going to be really good tonight and update with pictures and stories about what we've done so far in July as a family. But our desktop computer has decided no to turn on. Maybe ever again. After at least a week of working on it, Z-man took it to someone to get looked at by an expert. We're hopeful we can replace a part instead of needing to replace the whole dang thing.

And, of course, all my pictures are on there. We should be able to recover them no problem even if the computer is dead, but I don't have them right now.

I could still tell all the stories, but, eh. I don't really feel motivated without the pictures.

Suffice it to say that we've been having fun, trying to survive the heat, and there will be stories and pictures coming soon . . . I hope.

I Have A Question

2011-07-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

I'm just wondering. . . .

If there's a chance, no matter how remote, that my face might appear on TV this fall, does that justify spending money on a new haircut? It's been nearly a year since I had a decent one, and I'm getting desperate. And the thought of hundreds of thousands of people seeing me--however briefly or however far in the background--with a bad haircut seems awful.

Can I do away with the guilt of paying for a really good haircut in preparation for this?

Vacation to Bear Lake

2011-07-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

Last week we took a family vacation. It was the first time we went just us and the kiddos. Not with my family nor with Z-man's. We went north to Bear Lake and it was FUN!!!

We camped at the KOA in Garden City. Attached to their office was the only half decent market we could find for MILES around. It was 2 rooms worth of shelves of food, but everything else was just a glorified gas station. Good thing we hadn't forgotten much!

We were excited to finally have a tent that can fit us all comfortably. It'll get tight when the kids are bigger, but it's perfect for now. Little Man thought running around inside the tent was the greatest thing ever!

I was nervous about camping with such a little guy, but he was wonderful!!! He's a great traveler, and his naturally happy personality was a life saver. He was curious about everything, and happy with whatever entertainment we came up with.

On our second day up there, we went to Minnetonka Caves just over the Idaho border. It was beautiful!

During the tour, Zippy befriended a couple of retired gentlemen in the group with us--one of whom shares his first name. He talked their ears off to the delight of all of them. Zippy also managed to get them to take over watching him for us. Z-man and I had our hands full with Munchkin and Little Man, so Zippy's new friends kept an eye on him, helped him on the slippery stairs, answered his questions, and kept up with him when he wanted to go faster than Mommy could. They just might be my new favorite people in the world. Unfortunately, the kids were in such a hurry when we were done that I didn't get to thank them properly. Oh well, it looked like they were having fun too.

Of course, we spent time at the beach too. The water is so high this year that the only beach we could find was at the very north end of the lake. So, it was back into Idaho. It was worth it, though. The north beach has very, very soft sand, warmer water (because the water is so shallow for such a long distance), and plenty of room.

Do I have cute boys or what?
Munchkin would have stayed there all day if she could have. What fun!!!

This whole trip was Z-man's idea. I'm so lucky to have such a handsome husband that loves spending time with me and the kids!!! We relaxed, rode bikes, ate raspberry shakes, walked, talked, played miniature golf, laughed at the kids, and just reveled in being together.

It was a fantastic vacation. I hope we can make it a tradition. The big family events are fun, but there's something special about being just our little family.

Finding Beauty in My Scars

2011-06-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

I read a wonderful essay tonight about finding strength in the scars life has left you. I’ve heard the thought before, but tonight it actually touched my heart. I began to cry while reading it—partially from shame at how I’ve thought about and treated my own body, and partially from relief that there is a different way to think.

As I stepped out of the shower tonight, with the house quiet in the aftermath of bedtime and the subsequent sneaking-out-of-bed rituals, I stood still and looked in the mirror. It’s something I avoid doing unless there’s a reason. I check my breasts monthly in the mirror; I use the mirror to help me remove unwanted hair, cover blemishes, check outfits and hairdos. But rarely do I simply stand naked in front of my mirror and look. It’s not usually a pleasant experience for me. Most women I’ve ever met would probably agree with me. We think we know quite well what we look like, thank you very much. We much prefer the view with the help of clothing and accessories.

But I discovered I was quite wrong about many things. For years, I’ve been ashamed of my scars. Mostly they’re stretch marks. They cover the sides of my breasts, my hips, the tops of my thighs, and most of my abdomen. Most are from pregnancy, but not all. The ones on my breasts and hips started in puberty. That delirious/horrific/beautiful transformation from girl to woman. At the time, I didn’t think much of them. They were tiny and always covered by even the swimsuits I wore.

Years later, when Z-man and I married, the birth-control pills I used caused some changes that resulted in a few more stretch marks. Still nothing I thought much about. Occasionally I’d notice them and grimace a little. But life went on quite well despite them.

During the first rocky years of our marriage, I gained quite a bit of weight, and some more stretch marks. These bothered me more, but since they faded and were hidden when I lost the weight, I was able to shove the thought of them aside as our relationship improved and my joy and contentment increased.

But the long, ragged, and obvious stretch marks, along with other scars, stretching, and changes that came with each pregnancy have been much harder to set aside or come to terms with.

Tonight I got much closer. I stood naked and really looked at my body and the scars it carries. And I listened to the sweet silence of happy children sleeping, and knew the scars were worth it. The ones from Zippy are nearly faded, the ones from Munchkin are mostly white, and the ones from Little Man—the ones that reach up to my ribs and down my legs—are still pink more than a year and a half after he was born. Each stage tells a story, and I can look at them and tell you with some accuracy what was going on and how I felt when they spread to each point.

And for the first time in years I can feel at peace with my body and what I have gained from it.

My hands that look much like my mother’s—even down to veins beginning to show in the same places—link me to her in a tangible, ever-present way that I am grateful for.

My height and slightly unique proportions of leg to torso reflect the strength and power of my father.

The extra weight, the stretched skin, the sagging and drooping and spreading of various parts and places testify that I have lived; I have loved and been loved; I have borne children, held and fed and nurtured them; I have fallen to my knees diving for balls and pleading to my Heavenly Father.

At this moment, on this night, I can truly say, were the chance offered to me, I wouldn’t trade my body for anyone else’s. I will certainly try to become and stay healthy. I will probably lose and gain weight many more times before I am done. I will hide many of the scars, lift the sags, and keep my body private as it should be. But I will also attempt to capture this feeling of peace, of contentment, of acceptance as I move forward through all those things. And I will catalog each new scar or change as proof that I accomplished what I was meant to. That I experienced joy and pain and sorrow and beauty—and lived through it all.

Powerless

2011-06-07T21:27:00.001-07:00

School is out!! Fewer routines, no more crazy Wednesday afternoons, no homework or permission slips, no lunches to make or feel guilty about not making. And oh yeah--and extra kid to entertain all day long every day. Hmmm.

My goal this summer is to use the TV and computer to entertain the kids as LITTLE as possible. Which means that I have to have a plan. A good plan. A plan full of fun things to do that will take more than 30 seconds to complete. A plan that the kids will want to participate in and that can entertain a wide range of ages and attention spans. (And don't even try to guess who has the longest attention span. We're probably both wrong.) Does this sound daunting to anyone else but me?

So, I'm trying to come up with a list of things that we can do together that don't require power (i.e. electricity). Hopefully that will keep us away from screens of all kinds for the majority of our days. I'll list a few here, but if anyone has any more to add, I could really use some ideas.

1. Reading (during the daytime we don't have to use lights to do this)

2. Hook up the hose--sprinkler not necessarily required

3. Begin a pen-pal relationship between the kids and their cousins

4. Visit the playground 1/2 block from our front door

5. Bike rides

6. Gardening--harvest everything I've planted so it doesn't go to waste this year

7. Playdough (it takes electricity to make, but we're not counting that--just because)

8. Mess around with craft supplies--see what we can come up with

9. Puzzles

10. Make our own musical instruments

11. Write with pen/pencil and paper--there's still something magic about this to me

12. Feed the ducks that have taken up residence in the canal

Obviously, this list won't get me through the whole summer. But it's a start. Here's to a mostly powerless few months--and hopefully some sanity left at the end of it.

Busy, Busy

2011-05-26T21:21:00.001-07:00

Last Saturday, Zippy had another tae kwon do test. He did GREAT!! He focused well, answered his questions quickly, and did great on his form. I'm so terribly proud of him!

That same day, Mom took Zippy, Munchkin, and me to see Seussical! We've been listening to the songs for years, and the kids were out of their minds excited to see the show. It was wonderful!! I couldn't believe how well they behaved, but I shouldn't have been surprised. The show was so wonderfully done, they couldn't take their eyes off the stage. Munchkin is still singing the songs and talking about the Cat in the Hat. Zippy has been bragging to everyone he can get to listen to him all week long. Thanks Grandma!!!

Monday I registered Munchkin for ballet in the fall. She has been begging for it for months, and I just couldn't put it off any longer. I'm nearly as excited as she is. I can't wait to see her dance--she's gonna love it! She asked, very politely, if she could go look in the dance room, and could barely contain herself when the studio owner said yes. She slipped off her shoes and tiptoed into the dark studio. She did a couple experimental twirls and admired herself in the mirrors. Oh my, she's going to just die when it's time for classes to start. As we were leaving, she asked if I would buy her the dance shoes and clothes that she needed for her birthday. That just about sent me off the edge. My preschooler is so excited to dance that she's willing to give up birthday presents to get what she needs to do it. Is this my daughter or what?

All of this certainly keeps us busy as bees. And right now, I'm loving it.

Hiding Places

2011-05-23T21:45:00.000-07:00

Where do you go when you want to get away from the pressures of life, family, work, etc?

In the past, it’s been an actual, physical place for me.

In high school, my favorite place to hide was a specific tree in a local park. It was relatively easy to climb, and had magnificent views of sky and mountains. If I kept my eyes focused up, I could easily imagine I was alone in the world. No worries, no demands, no expectations. With the rough bark of the tree linking me to the ground below, I felt as if I could stretch up and touch the sky.

At home, I also did a lot of hiding in my room. I hid so much that my younger brother once tried to invent a system to talk to me while I was down there. He drew wonderful pictures of a very loud intercom system so that the rest of the family could get my attention no matter how deep in a book my nose was lodged.

During the first part of my marriage to the Z-man, there was a bench hidden in some trees on the edge of a park on BYU campus that I claimed as my own. It was a popular park during the day, but this particular bench was away from the most popular areas. Partially hidden by trees, yet near enough to open spaces and walkways that the seclusion was not dangerous. The exact location of this bench is one that I’ve never revealed. Not even when I was using it nearly daily. It was vital to me that I have a place where no one could track me down. A place where I was not wife, or daughter, or sister, or student, or employee. I was simply me. I could be alone—completely alone. I cherished the moments I was able to steal on that bench. It was dirty, sometimes cold. There was no back on the bench, and sometimes I sat there until my back ached and my legs fell asleep. But it was mine in a very real way. Whenever pressure would mount or my emotions would rise, I would feel myself pulled to my hiding place.

For the years I was working full-time, I used my bathroom as a reprieve nearly every Sunday night. I would turn on music loud enough to not hear Z-man knocking about in the apartment, turn off the lights, and soak in a hot bath until my skin wrinkled. I could shove aside the worries of the week past and the week to come, and let my mind flow with the music.

I have to admit that since having children, my hiding places have disappeared. It is rare indeed that I am ever alone. Even with Z-man’s new schedule, when I am seemingly alone, I am still in charge. Should someone need me, I have to be there and available. I can’t block out the world, or my worries, or the pressures that come with it. Sometimes, if the stars align just right, I can get close to that when I can run without the kids. But even then, I still have the dog, and must be aware of the world around me and the time that is passing. My only true escape right now exists in those few precious moments before I fall asleep. In those moments when my body and mind are shutting down for the night, the kids are usually asleep, the house is as clean as it is going to get, and no one is currently expecting action from me. During those moments, I can be whoever, wherever I want to be. I can drift where my mind would take me, or I can direct my thoughts toward a dream or longing that has been simmering behind reality. Some days, I find myself longing for bedtime just to have those moments to refresh my soul. Amidst wiping faces, sweeping floors, changing diapers, shuttling carpool, refereeing fights, and appeasing large personalities, I have to remind myself that those moments will come.

Some days I still consider locking myself in the bathroom. But I have to admit it’s much less effective with little fingers poking under the door and larger ones rattling the doorknob.

So I’d love to hear from all of you. Where do you hide—how do you revive your heart and soul and sense of self? Perhaps I can use one of your ideas as my own.

Run, Mommy, Run

2011-05-10T11:49:00.000-07:00

For those of you who wondered, I didn't make it to the Race for the Cure on Saturday. Munchkin got the stomach flu, and so we were homebound all weekend. Which means, unfortunately, that I don't get to share any of the wonderful, hilarious, witty slogans which abound at such events. The one time each year when breast jokes are in good taste, and I miss it. Sigh.

On a happier note, that means I have more time to train to actually run a 5k. My brother has graciously agreed to find another event to run with me this summer.

I did run this morning. I'm quite proud of my progress. I can run farther and even a little faster now.

While I was running, I had to smile at myself (laughing being out of the question due to gasping and wheezing). I was listening to the playlist I had prepared for the actual race. And it just made me smile. It's a weird and eclectic grouping of a number of different genres. Everything from alternative rock, to punk/pop, to Hullabaloo.

What, you don't know who Hullabaloo is?

They are, in their own words, "farm-fresh, free-range, organic kid-folk." You can check them out here. They are fabulous, and funny, and witty. And my kids love them! My favorite song of theirs to run to is called "Run Bunny Run." You have to find it and listen to it. Most days, I feel like I'm the bunny. Although, I have to admit to sounding more like the older brother. And, if I'm being honest, I'm also frequently the younger brother. Especially if another adult happens to stray too close to me. (Please talk to me, please, please, PLEEEEEEEEASE!!!)

But whatever the reason, it made me smile at myself as I moved from Muse to "Run Bunny Run" while running this morning. I think I'll just adjust the lyrics ever so slightly in my mind. Run Mommy Run.

I Looked Out The Window

2011-05-03T09:35:00.001-07:00

And what did I see?

Popcorn popping in the apricot tree.

Spring had brought me such a nice suprise,

Blossoms popping right before my eyes.

Welcome, Spring! I'm glad you've finally decided to visit us.

Feel free to stick around just as long as you want!

Oh The Insanity

2011-04-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt a compulsion to do something absolutely insane for no good reason? Or at least no reason that you could adequately explain to someone else?

Apparently, I have. I am training to run a 5K. There's really not a good reason beyond that I feel I must prove to myself that I can do this. Which is a great motivator until I'm actually out running. Or, rather, jogging ever-so-slightly-faster than I walk.

I don't have any visions of grandeur, or winning, or even ever running very fast. That would be ridiculous. But then again, I already feel ridiculous gasping along the trail, yelling at Zippy to not go too far, urging Munchkin to keep up, and trying to keep the dog from pulling the stroller into the canal.

I can now do about 1/2 mile all at once. I can even do a couple 1/2 miles with just a little walking in between. But the 5K I want to run is in less than 4 weeks. I'm panicking a little. But I refuse to give up. Even if I end up walking parts of the race, I need to do this.

I roped my little brother into running with me. I have the feeling that, even though he started training after I did, and probably has less time to run between school and working, he'll kick my trash when we run together. It's a good thing we love each other. He'll forgive me for making him train to run while he's in school, and I'll forgive him for being younger, faster, and in better shape than me. It's a good trade.

This is one of those goals that seems to come out of nowhere, and really doesn't make sense. But it's a goal that is a driving force in my life right now. I have passion and desire to meet this goal, and I can't afford to waste it. Who knows, maybe after I meet this one, I'll actually be inspired to work on the rest that are languishing in my never-ending pile of "things I REALLY should be doing."

So, I want to know. What goal (whether seemingly impossible and insane or not) is stirring your passion right now? And what other ones are you ignoring?

Traditions We Hope Not to Repeat

2011-04-04T11:12:00.000-07:00

What do you do between General Conference sessions? Eat a big meal? Head to the park? Play games? Take another nap? All good things. The one thing I don't recommend is taking your daughter to the emergency room because she swallowed a battery.

Yes, that is an Xray of Munchkin's body. That round white dot near the stomach is the button battery that she swallowed.

We were getting shoes and coats on to head to Grandma's house for a big family meal between sessions. Munchkin started pointing at her tummy--which could mean anything from, "I'm hungry, Mommy," to, "See! I put my shirt back on!" So, thinking I was being a great Mom (and also because I'm tired of the mute pointing), I said, "I'm sorry honey, I can't understand you unless you use your words. When you're ready to use your words, let me know."

That's when she said, "I swallowed a battery." Just matter-of-fact. I lost it. I think I may have even scared her a little. Suddenly, Mommy's volume has turned way up, and her eyes are bugging out of her head. Hmmmm, what's wrong Mommy?

So, we went to the hospital instead of Grandma's house. The whole way there, Munchkin was very quiet. Finally, as we're pulling into the parking lot, she quietly says, "Are they gonna cut my tummy open?" Oh heavens, my dear little girl. I reasurred her they would do no such thing. I didn't, however, mention that I had no idea if they would have to pump her stomach. Neither of us needed to think about that. Thankfully, Grandpa met us at the hospital and took Zippy and Little Man home with him so we wouldn't have to worry about them.

When we were done with paperwork and waiting behind our very own curtains, Munchkin looked around and asked, "Where are the cutters?" I guess I didn't do a very good job of reassuring her.

After a remarkably short time, we were assured that the only danger from these small button batteries comes if they get caught in your esophagus. That's where they are likely to disintegrate. But Munchkin's was already past her stomach, and will pass naturally. And, huge thanks here, we don't even have to watch for it to pass!!! Yeah!!!

While we were at the hospital, Munchkin managed to charm everyone around us. She assured the nurse very seriously that she is not allergic to butterflies. She was very brave and followed the Xray techs directions perfectly. She took really good, deep breaths. The only problem was convincing her to let out the air. They kept saying, "She's just so cute!"

Munchkin has spent the last 24 hours telling everyone she can about the whole experience. She carries our copy of the Xray picture around everywhere, even showing it to the carpool kids this morning. And her glow-in-the-dark sticker from the Xray tech may just be her new favorite posession.

This is not what I planned on doing between sessions yesterday, but I sure am grateful it turned out so well. And that it's over. Here's hoping your Conference Weekend was less eventful than mine.

Simple Pleasures--BOGO

2011-03-08T19:30:00.000-08:00

I know I'm behind. But that just means there's two simple pleasures tonight.

I'm not offering much explanation for these two, becuase I don't think they need a lot. My simple pleasures for tonight are:

New Shoes and Chocolate.

Both relatively inexpensive, and both offering a rush of endorphins. What makes you feel better than new shoes or chocolate? Enough said.

Simple Pleasures--A Sleeping Child

2011-03-04T20:33:00.000-08:00

There is something divine about a sleeping child. And I mean that in the most religious way possible. I think when a child is sleeping is when I can most clearly see them through the eyes of God's love. And not only because when they're asleep they aren't covering everything with jam, or wailing like howler monkeys, or asking for snacks they're never going to eat.

When my children sleep, I can see them without the distraction of my own reactions. I can see the hope and peace stored within them--a gift from Heavenly Father. I can see their personalities shine through too. Zippy always tangles himself in his blankets. He can't seem to be still even in sleep. Munchkin stretches her legs and arms out as far as they can go. She wants to be everywhere all at once. Little Man snuggles any blankets or toys that are in reach, and curls up onto his stomach--little bottom in the air. He's my lovey, snuggly child.

Right now, I'm especially grateful to have sleeping children. For the moment, they are all sleeping deeply and peacefully. After 3 weeks of sickness, that is a small miracle.

Simple Pleasures

2011-03-03T20:05:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot of turmoil and chaos in my life in the past few months. Zippy was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD; Z-man's work schedule has undergone major changes; my depression has threatened to return; my grandfather passed away (requiring a quick and intense trip to the midwest); and I've been stuck in the house for the past 3 weeks with sick kids. I am discouraged.

So, in an effort to break myself out of this funk, I'm going to count my blessings.

Every day for the next 31 days, I'm going to list a simple pleasure that I am grateful for. Something that gives me joy or hope. Something that lifts my spirits.

This list will take me into Spring--which is a much more civilized season, if you ask me.

So here we go:

I am looking forward to one of my simple pleasures tonight. It won't happen until next week, but I'm already looking forward to it. After the kids are asleep and the house is quiet, I will change my clothes and slip out to play volleyball. I can hardly wait.

Volleyball is the only sport I enjoy without reservation. The jumping, running, diving, I just love it all. We play co-ed, so the net is high enough to present a challenge for me. And is there really anything better in sports than stuffing a powerful hitter who doesn't expect it?

Z-man laughts at my devotion to the weekly games. He understands my need for release, even if he doesn't participate in the outlet. He did, however put his foot down each time I got pregnant. I tend to end up on the floor multiple times in a game. But I wear any scrapes or bruises with pride. They mean that I've played hard.

There is a primal joy in such a physical activity. Sweating, breathing hard, making your body do what you want, laughing with friends, pounding out tension and frustration. An added benefit is the boost in confidence that comes from participating in something you're good at. I end the night relaxed, optimistic, and physically drained.

I can't wait.

Kitchen Doors

2011-01-30T20:09:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine dropped by a few days ago and we spent an hour chatting at my kitchen table. That was one of the best house I've had in weeks. I wasn't expecting her; my house wasn't clean; my kids weren't even dressed. But she didn't care about any of that, and I feel closer to her now. More comfortable and less inclined to hold myself back or hide imperfections.

In the past, these kinds of visits were much more common. Friends and neighbors came and went through the kitchen door. And family never would have thought to use any other door. The front door was for strangers and formal guests, not the people you love most. And those same family, friends, and neighbors used that kitchen door often. Visits were common, nearly daily events. You would stop in to see someone on your way somewhere else, or perhaps that was your destination. Or someone would come calling at your kitchen door. It opened right into the heart of your home. And no one thought twice about spending time chatting with one another. Lives were not so busy that a few minutes couldn't be found to spend with someone you love. Or even just someone who amuses you. And, if you were lucky, you had family and friends comfortable enough in your home to simply walk right in. No knocking required.

Some may think this is an idealized, romanticized, and possibly unrealistic view of the past. Lives have always been busy, and relationships sometimes have to take a back seat to the necessities of living. But I can tell you it's not unrealistic. When I was young, there were neighbors across the street that became family. If I wanted Tang for lunch, I walked across the street near lunchtime. If they wanted pickles, they came to our house. And the doors were completely open in either direction. No doorbells, no permission needed. We were home in either house.

Unfortunately, where I live, everyone seems so wrapped up in their own lives, that there's no time to share in another's life.

This isn't to indicate that I want ANYONE to just walk right into my house. There are still times and places for social niceties. And my literal kitchen door happens to be behind my fence--just where I like it to corral dogs and kids. Perhaps what I want, then, is a feeling of an open door. A guaranteed welcome from and for those I love. I would love to have friends that felt they could walk right into my house and be welcome. And I want my family to feel the same. I would love to feel confident enough in my reception to be able to walk into my close friend's houses the same way. The open doors of the past have by and large been lost. And I mourn that loss.

Dad and I were talking about this a few weeks ago, and the conversation wound its way around to Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media. Much of it was very interesting, and a lot of it was me trying to explain both to him and to myself why I resist most of this style of communication.

How does social media relate to my sense of loss? Today's world doesn't run to families living within a few steps of each other. No, now families and friends are separated by thousands of miles. And email, Facebook, blogs, etc. can all be useful for keeping in touch and feeling connected. But I think they're wonderful tools that are being misused. Obviously, I can't hate them all as this is posted on my very own blog. But they're used in place of the personal connection. No one writes letters or sends cards--both of which take more effort to prepare and encourage more thought as to the content included. Phone calls are even becoming rare--which is a shame too. Hearing the voice of a loved one is precious and worth far more than an announcement on someone's "wall." Visits in person are even more rare. How long has it been since someone just dropped in to see you? How long since you dropped in on a friend?

I realize that this is not going to be a popular opinion. I also know that by posting this on my own blog, I'm opening myself to the possibility of being seen as a hypocrite. I want to be sure that I clarify. I don't have anything against any of the social media tools. I like writing on my blog and reading others'. I text Z-man at least a couple times every week because he can't answer the phone at work. I use email every day, and my life would be very different without the internet. I met some of my very best friends through a website/forum. Most of my family and nearly all my friends have a Facebook page--even Z-man does. But lately I've been missing the personal communication that no longer seems important in the face of so many different forms of communication.

So, now you don't have to wonder why I'm not on Facebook. I probably will eventually make a page for myself. Simply because it is a good tool that can be used to keep in touch with people I love and want to stay close to. But don't expect a lot of time on there. I'd much rather have you over to visit. I can't promise my house will be clean, but I can promise you will be welcome.

Why I Love Romance Novels

2011-01-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

I love to read.

That statement is quite a "Duh" moment for anyone who knows me. But what a lot of people may not know is this:
I love to read Romance Novels.

This may surprise some people. It may even dismay others--sorry Mom. But before any judgments are too ingrained, let me explain.

I'm not necessarily talking just about what I call "Bodice-Rippers." Those novels that go from one steamy scene to another with little to no plot in between. Novels where it's obvious the author writes with a thesaurus open next to her keyboard. How many synonyms are there for passionate anyway? Not to mention all the other, um, interesting synonyms they find. These books can be great for a laugh or to use as a guide on how not to seduce your spouse. But they don't exactly move my heart and soul the way a good book should. Plus there are too many pages that I need to skip over. :)

No, the books I love have more plot than steam. They have characters that face dilemmas. People I can understand and care about. Emotions I can connect with. Two people that are just as flawed as I am trying to make it to happily ever after.

And that, really, is the reason I read Romance. That guaranteed happy ending. The boy will get the girl (or vice-versa). The problems will be overcome. The misunderstandings resolved; the fears faced; and the hope, joy, and love embraced. There aren't many things better than a story with a happy ending.

There are a lot of books and authors that fit my definition of a Romance Novel. Jane Austen has never let me down. L. M. Montgomery, even Charlotte Bronte in Jane Eyre. And, of course, there's plenty to pick from in modern fiction. Almost too many to really appreciate. It's no secret that I love the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer (at least it really shouldn't be to anyone reading this blog). Enthusiasm is another of my favorites in the Young Adult category. I hesitate to start naming more books or authors for fear that I may never be able to stop. Although if any of you have either authors or books to suggest, I'm always open to that.

Suffice it to say that if it is well-written, involves characters that are well-developed, avoids obvious preaching, and ends with a boy and girl (or man and woman) getting together, it's probably on my list. There is enough bad news already in the world. I don't want to read a novel mired down in it.

Thank goodness for Romance Novels

Resolutions and the Ensuing Panic

2011-01-08T10:01:00.001-08:00

Do you make resolutions for the New Year? I do. And this year, some of them scare me.

Most of them are pretty tame: get organized, get my budget in working order, lose weight, finish our 72 hour kits. The standard ones, for me at least.

But then there are a few that terrify me. Just before Little Man was born, I was working on a personal mission statement. I felt like I needed more direction to my life. Plus I was just days away from giving birth, so my hormones were making me certifiable. I was using some online prompts to formulate and idea of what I wanted and how to get there. One of the questions was "If time and money were not obstacles, and if success were guaranteed, what would you do?" Fun question, huh?

I wrote down my honest answers, and then there they were on my paper. OY. All of a sudden they terrified me. Out of my mind scared. I can hear myself screaming in my head whenever I think of it. Sometimes a whimper even escapes.

I'm not ready to share them here, but I can't ignore them. Answering that question honestly is going to change my life. And, while everything but survival took a back seat during Little Man's first year, I can't ignore those answers/goals any longer. I'm working on them, and I'm working on being brave enough to announce them to the world in general. Until then, I want to hear from you--anyone who reads this. What would your answer be? If time and money were no obstacles--if you had more than enough of both of them--if success were guaranteed to any degree you wanted--what would you do? Who would you be? What would you change? Be honest and brave. Maybe I can be too.

Ode to Dad

2010-12-29T07:03:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the title is a little misleading. I'm not writing an ode. I'm definitely not feeling that poetic this morning. But I do want to publicly acknowledge how amazing my dad is.

I'm sorry I missed posting this before your birthday, Dad, but consider this an extension of the celebration.

From you I learned how to laugh at myself and the world around me; how to enjoy literature and popular fiction alike; how to drive a stick-shift and change my tires and oil (skills which still continue to impress my mechanic husband); how to be proud of my own achievements and still happy for those I love; how to enjoy a horrible pun; how to value myself as a woman and as a person. Thank you, Dad, for all you've taught me. I wouldn't be the woman I am without you. Happy Birthday with all my love.

Is it any wonder we wanted Little Man to share a name with this great man? I love you Dad!!!

Loss and Grief

2010-12-11T07:48:00.000-08:00

I have been dreading these two days for weeks. Yesterday and today mark the days when, two years ago, I discovered I had lost the baby I thought I was carrying. I knew these days would be difficult. I didn't want them to be difficult. I want to be completely over this. To have the pain and the grief and the emptiness gone. But I know that's never going to happen. They will always be a part of me. I just hope that it won't always be this raw. I'm surprised at how jagged the edges of my grief still are. I don't think of it terribly often through the rest of the year. Every now and then. But not often. But on the anniversary of this loss I can think of little else.

I stood at my bedroom window yesterday watching the rain. And I thought, "This is what it should have been like that day. The rain, the gray, the gloom and cold and wet." But it was beautiful then. Crystal clear blue skies, clean air, white snow. Nearly the perfect winter weather. Perhaps some day I'll find comfort in the fact that it was still beautiful even with that horror going on. But not now. Now the pain is still so strong I wonder that the whole world didn't grieve along with me.

There is a lot about the past few years that is a blur in my memory. I've been so tired and so busy (and sometimes so sick) that is was all I could do to survive. Committing things to memory was far too much effort. But those 2 days two years ago are burned into me. I couldn't forget a moment of them if I tried. I keep reliving the ultrasound. We had gone to the appointment so happy, so calm, so arrogant. Certainly grateful and blessed to be doing it again, but not worried or anxious about anything. I didn't even worry when the little microphone didn't pick up a heartbeat. Those are temperamental on the best of days. Even when I'm nearly to term it can be a struggle to find just the right spot to hear that rhythm. When the portable ultrasound didn't find anything but the amniotic sac, I was a little confused, but not terribly nervous. The midwife seemed confident that there was nothing wrong. The machine is unreliable, she said. I try never to use it, she said. We'll just go check in the ultrasound room with the good equipment. Everything will be fine.

Then, when the ultrasound technician carefully kept her face blank, I knew. I knew even before she looked at the midwife and shook her head.

I don't like to think about the next few hours, and days, and weeks. But today, I can't help it. I'm not ready yet to talk about all that came next. Not even with those closest to me. Perhaps I may never be, and that's a new sensation for me. I do know that I wish there weren't so many women who could understand how I feel. I also know that everyone's story, everyone's pain, is different and unique. Mine is becoming part of who I am. Someday I hope the grief and loss won't burn quite so fierce and deep. Someday I hope to be able to tell the rest of this story. For now, I'll survive and hold on until it passes. It's the best any of us can do some days.

Project of the Week: Piano Recital

2010-12-03T07:25:00.000-08:00

My goal was to finish a project this week. In my head, that meant a craft, or a decoration, or a gift. But, it turned out that my project this week was my piano recital.

AND IT'S DONE!!

The kids played their songs, we teachers muddled through ours, and it was a great success. Zippy even played for the very first time! Unfortunately, because my stress was running so high, I forgot the camera. So no pictures of Zippy's first recital. But he did great! He announced his piece in a clear, loud voice. And he even pronounced Good King Wenceslas correctly! YEAH!!!!!

I'm terribly proud of him, and so very glad I don't have to hear that song every day now. I'm calling this a big project well done for the week.

People I Love: AmyO

2010-11-30T11:58:00.000-08:00

What can I say about my dear friend AmyO?

First, I have her to thank for the beautiful background and header for my blog.

Second, no one commands attention when standing on an chair quite like her.

But really, there's too much to say and not nearly enough of the right words.

Amy, I love your determination, your spunk, your sense of humor (which is just as twisted as my own), your honest and sincere love of those in your life.

My life would not be as rich or as happy as it is right now without you. I owe you a great deal of my sanity over the past few years. I'm proud to call you friend.

Happy Birthday Amy--sometime soon anyway ;) I love you!

P.S. If anyone else has more pictures of dearest Amy, send them my way. Somehow she always seesm to be behind the camera!

Le Sigh

2010-10-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

I'm in love. Totally, completely, shamelessly in love.

www.modcloth.com

Does someone now want to give me lots of money so I can indulge in my new love?

Bad Hair Future

2010-10-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

Part of the changes we're making in our lives is to cut back our budget to try to pay off debt.

So, I'm having to decide whether to spend money on hobbies/crafts/gifts/clothes or on getting my hair cut. And since I can make the money go a lot farther on hobbies, etc. and get tons more hours of fun out of that category, the hair cuts are going away for a while.

I'm sure I'll break down every few months and get a trim, but not often. Which means that I need help. When my hair gets long, it also gets hard to manage. I have to have it out of my face and off my neck.

Does anyone know of some ways to do very, very straight hair that will keep it out of my way, be fun and cute, and NOT make me look like I'm trying to be 12 again? Please, anyone? I need all the help I can get.

Changes

2010-10-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

Why is it that everything seems to hit all at once? I have about a million things I've been thinking about writing about, but no time to do it. I'm back in crisis mode with too much on my plate. And all of it has to be dealt with NOW!

Huge life changes are on my horizon, and I'm not sure how to face them all at once. Can't I just go back to bed?

How do you remember to take things one step at a time when all the steps are urgent? How do you deal with family crises without closing yourself off to everyone else?

My well is not this deep.

Things I Never Knew

2010-08-31T13:00:00.001-07:00

This morning Munchkin was playing on our piano, and shared a discovery I had never thought about much.

Munchkin: Mommy, these notes are the mad notes (as she pounds low on the keyboard)

Me: OK, that makes sense.

Munchkin: And these are the happy notes (here she hits some really high keys)

Me: Of course.

Munchkin: I'm mad Mommy.

And she procedes to spend the next 5 minutes pounding low keys.

I love my daughter.

People I Love

2010-08-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

OOOH! Look at Munchkin's cheeks! I could just die I love them so much!

This picture is a couple years old. My kids look nothing like this now. But it's still one of my favorites of them with my sister. They adore Aunt Melissa, and I have to agree. My sister is one of the people I most admire in my life. I wish I had her drive and her ability to see exactly what she wants. I've never seen her let anything get in the way of achieving her goals once she has them set. It's quite impressive to watch. If one way doesn't work, she'll find her own path, thank you very much.

And to see her with my kids (or anyone's kids) is so much fun. Her flair for drama and laughter are just perfect. No one is better at getting a smile out of grumpy-just woke up-hate the world-Munchkin than Aunt Melissa. She understands these things.

Plus, she knows exactly what I mean when I say I'm both terrified and relieved to know I'm destined to become my mother.

Melissa, I love you! I'm so proud of you for making this big move to graduate school!

Just one last thing: Straight up, now tell me is it gonna be you and me forever?

Peas, Potatoes, and Memories

2010-05-25T13:02:00.000-07:00

For my birthday this weekend, I had Mom make creamed peas and potatoes. It's a dish I have consistently adored my entire life. I still adore it. But I have to admit that I'm hesitant to make it. The last time I did was more than 6 years ago.

Z-man and I were living in Grandpa Thompson's house. I was pregnant with Zippy and Grandpa was in very poor health. Along with various other ailments, he rarely ate much of anything. A side effect from some of his medications. The day after I made a batch of peas and potatoes (with new potatoes and peas from Grandpa's garden), I came home from work to find Grandpa on the floor of the bathroom. He'd had a heart attack, and had probably been lying there all day.

What a horrible evening that was.

John got home shortly thereafter. We got him up and John helped him get dressed and cleaned up. He was too stubborn to let me take him to the hospital, so we called my parents. While we waited for them, Grandpa ate a great big bowl of creamed peas and potatoes that I warmed up for him. It had been many months since I had seen him eat so much. And his casual comment that they tasted good nearly broke me.

They admitted him to the hospital, and he passed away not even 2 days later. My peas and potatoes, a dish Grandma had made him countless times over the years, was the last thing he at at home.

Maybe I should make them again as a celebration. Maybe I should--but I can't yet. I can eat them with only sweet memories. But making them myself seems somehow beyond me. Even though I know he'd shake his head and think I was being remarkably silly. And he's right. I am being silly, ridiculously silly. Maybe this year when my potatoes come in--maybe when I harvest from my yard just like he loved to do--maybe for the first time in my children's lives I can make them this dish. This food that has such deep roots in my soul of love and family.

Updates

2010-05-05T12:25:00.001-07:00

I've been spending a lot of time trying to dig myself out of this house. It is not going quickly.

However, I have made significant progress in one area: my closet. With help from Kimmy and Christy, I managed to do this:

Yes, everyone, that is a clean and clear floor. In fact, that is what Z-man commented on first. Before he noticed I'd moved him out of the closet and into the dresser. LOL

Mmmm. Doesn't that look nice and organized. I'll eventually replace the boxes with bins in colors I like--but boxes are easier on the budget. As in free. I've gone in there just to stand and look and feel good. My closet may very well be my favorite room in the house now. And no, I don't have any before pictures. No one wants to see that--trust me. We cleared out more than would fit in a lawn-and-leaf garbage bag.

My most favorite part, though, isn't the organized clothes. Or the clear floor. Or knowing where everything is and being able to see it all. No, my favorite part is the enthusiasm with which Christy labeled my clothes:

He he he. This makes me giggle all the time. I don't just have socks. I have Socks!! And Layering Shirts!! I just love it. Now if I could just finish the downstairs bathroom. . . .

Do It Myself?!?

2010-04-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

Ugh. It's been way too long since I posted on here. And really, I have no good excuse--well, except that I'm still trying to dig my way out of the house after being pregnant for a year and dealing with a baby and a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old at the same time. Anyone who says they get bored being a stay-at-home mom is crazy!!!

But just lately, I've been getting a lot done. I've been purging shelves and closets; donating or selling tons of stuff; and making a GINORMOUS list of projects I want to have done around the house. Then I realized something--I hate waiting. We've been in this house since Zippy was born, and now he's six. That's six years, folks. Six years that I've been waiting to do certain projects until I had time, or help, or could get Z-man to do it for me. Well, I'm done with that! I'm slightly obsessed with getting projects done right now. And I'm tired of looking around my house and thinking about all the things I want to do, but not doing them. So, I'm going to start doing them.

That's right. I'm going to decorate/renovate/finish my house. All by myself if need be. I AM WOMAN HEAR ME DRILL!! He he he. Well, OK, I'll still have to rely on Z-Man to do any electrical work, plumbing, fixing drywall, etc. Cause I'm not THAT crazy. But if I want something painted, I'll paint it. If I want something small built (or even big if I find I'm good at it), I'll build it. If I want something decorated I'll make something or buy something and then actually put it up. Enough with half-done rooms.

It may take me quite a while, but I'm going to do it. I'll try to post results here often--both big projects and little ones. Wish me luck!

Laugh or Cry

2010-03-19T09:03:00.000-07:00

Mom often said, "You can laugh or you can cry." As a teenager, I always resented it when she said it. I thought she was telling me I should be able to control my emotions with cool efficiency. Of course I also spent a lot of my time crying.

Now that I'm, well, maybe not grown up, but certainly older, I can hear Mom saying it in my head. "You can laugh or you can cry." I realize now that she never meant I shouldn't ever cry. Sometimes that systemic purge is exactly what's called for. Mom just meant that, if you can back away enough to find humor, situations lose their power to derail you.

Last night I found myself close to tears, and I heard Mom. I decided I needed help, so I call AmyO. Our conversation started like this:

Me: I need you to remind me I'm not a loser even though I'm here at WalMart at 9 at night buying diapers and butter.

Amy: surprised silence. . . .then loud laughter

It was just what I needed. I needed to see that Little Man at home naked (I was out of diapers after all) and probably trying to pee on Z-Man was funny, not tragic. And that me walking through Walmart carrying butter and diapers, wearing no makeup, and sporting unshaved legs was something to giggle over.

So thanks, Mom, for the advice I'm finally trying to take. And thanks, Amy, for helping me laugh.

Passion

2010-03-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about this post for a couple weeks now. I first had thoughts banging around in my head--quite loudly, really--but no time to put them down on paper. And then, when I did put them into words, they didn't sound right. I've been thinking and worrying and just plain procrastinating writing about this because it makes me uncomfortable. Both because I worry it will come off as self-righteous or pompous. And also because I'm not sure I truly do have the right words. But, I'm tired of worrying about it. And, really, I can only take so much thought-banging before I completely lose it. So, I'm going to be brave and write.

I've been told I should use my blog to share my passion. This poses a significant problem for me. Not the idea of being passionate--that's not a problem at all. But the idea of choosing one passion and limit myself to that is beyond me.

I tried listing what I'm passionate about to see if there was something I could focus on, and here's what I came up with:

Z-man--you really don't want to read this every day

my family--even I can't read about my own kids every single day

the happiness of my friends--but these are their stories to tell

reading--but no particular genre and my favorite book is always the one in my hand

music--again the genre always changes

hobbies--never the same one for long

cooking--but only when my kitchen is clean

grammar--and yes, I realize this makes me odd--it's why you love me

Do you see what I'm up against?

I consider myself to be a very passionate person, but rarely are those passions long-lived. I love to start new hobbies and projects. Finishing them, is a different story. I was passionate about Twilight for nearly 2 years. But now I'm much more interested in the friends I've made because of the experience than the books themselves. In fact, I've considered changing the name of my blog to better reflect my current passions. This is more a reflection of my perfectionism than a true need, however. I want everything to be just right all the time. I wanted to change the name to something that would perfectly reflect me and my life. Because that's not too much to ask of a few simple words at the top of a website, is it? LOL

So, as a solution that will both meet my need for things to be accurate and to force myself to make the best of what I have, the blog is staying with the original name. That, and I'm too lazy/busy to figure out how to change the name of a blog and would be much more likely to just start a new one. And I really don't want to have to do that.

For me, Forks is no longer associated with just Twilight, or vampires, or even Edward (sigh). For me, Forks now represents everything good and beautiful and meaningful in my life. Forks is the sense of self that I rediscovered through Twilight and TwilightMOMS and which I still struggle to maintain. Forks is all the people I love, the people who make me laugh, the people who affect the direction my life takes. Forks is my current passion--whatever it is I look forward to. Whatever currently makes it worth surviving the day. Forks, for me, is a place I can simply be who I am. Or where I can pretend to be who I want to be.

So that is what this blog is for me. An excuse to indulge myself; a place to laugh at myself; a reminder that I'm not alone unless I want to be. You're welcome to join me as often as you want. I can't promise regular updates--or interesting ones when I do write. But they will always be passionate.

High Fashion

2010-02-18T13:49:00.001-08:00

I try whenever I can to let the kids choose what they're going to wear. I want them to be independent, and I don't want to squash any creativity they might choose to express. However, I realized the other day that both Zippy and Munchkin have ended up with my. . . unique fashion sense. This is what they wanted to look like for the day:

Yes, that's an ER doctor shirt from the dress-up box. And I don't even know what to say about Zippy's hair. That's how he wanted it, and I've let it get WAY too long. I let Zippy keep his hair, but I did make Munchkin change into something that would at least keep her warm when we went outside. So sorry, kids. You'll have to look elsewhere for good fashion advice.

After such an eye-opening realization, I was doubly amused when Rae called that afternoon. The conversation was as follows:

Rae: They asked for names of French fashion designers and I could only name one. Do you remember any more?

Me: Um. . . . . .

And then I just had to start laughing. I mean really, Rae, you've known me 14 years now. Have I ever done (or more importantly, worn) anything that would make you think I would know who French fashion designers are? I love that you think I would.

You guys are just lucky my kids are dressed and that I don't show up in public in my body suits and bright broomstick skirts from the early 90s. Man I rocked that look. Sigh.

Comfort Food

2010-01-31T11:45:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to a not good, very bad, horrible day. It didn't help that it's been nearly a week since I was able to do anything productive. Little Man has had a fever since Tuesday morning. He's either been nursing, sleeping, or hysterically crying. And the nusing and sleeping didn't last nearly as long as I would like. I haven't even had a chance to buy groceries.

So, this morning when he woke up at 5:30 am, I was grumpy. And tired. And seriously craving some comfort food. But, since it's Sunday, I didn't want to go to the store for anything. But I remembered that I had heard of a dish called potato knish on a show about potatoes the other day. (And don't ask why I watched a full hour program about potatoes--I couldn't explain it now if I tried) When I found a recipe, it sounded even better. Especially since I already had everything I would need to make it.

Fast forward a couple hours to when Little Man finally falls asleep again, and Zippy and Munchkin are watching a movie. I went to the kitchen, worked for a while, and came ended up with these:

Oh Lands. Oh my. Oh Oh Oh OOOOOOOOOOOH. One bite and, glory be, it's like I've died and gone to Forks!

This is the finest comfort food ever!!! I can't wait to tinker with the recipe and figure out what else I can do with these little packets of goodness. But for today, this simple version flavored with cheese and thyme were perfection. Bliss. Nearly good enough that, were I actually eating them in Forks, I might simply float away into the ether. Except these hearty parcels will keep you firmly planted on the ground--nice and heavy and solid.

They're basically bundles of mashed potatoes wrapped up with other bits of goodness inside a sort-of pastry. mmmmmmmmmmmm. I could eat them all day. And paired with home-canned peaches and pears, they make one satisfying comfort lunch. With the added benefit of making me feel all Suzy Homemaker for a few minutes.

Z-Man better hope I don't get hungry again before he gets home--otherwise he'll just have to wait until next time.

You Just Never Know

2010-01-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

I'm constantly amazed at what I learn from my kids. Who knew there was so much I didn't know. For example, I, in my ignorance, thought this was a basket. Just a plain, somewhat ugly, plastic basket that should be used to hold toys.

I was, however, very wrong. Zippy has informed me in no uncertain terms that I was mistaken. This is no ordinary basket. This is the Eternal Basket of Happiness. And whoever posesses it is granted, well, happiness--forever. Also, and this was very important, if the posessor of this basket did not wish to share it, all others would be unhappy forever. I have very good evidence of said unhappiness.

Don't worry, though. Mommy has reasserted ownership of this very important basket. And I like to share. Therefore, here's your dose of happy for the day:

WOW

2009-11-01T10:29:00.000-08:00

OK, I know I'm way slow with this post. And I know there's probably a lot that I should say at this point. But in the haze of sleepless nights, my brain isn't working well enough to think of a single one of them. So, all I can say about the past 2 weeks is "Wow." He's here, he's perfect, and I'm exhausted. I'll catch up with everyone later, I promise.

Counting Down

2009-10-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

I've got just under 4 weeks until my due date. That means it could be anywhere from 2-6 weeks more. I'm hoping for the 2. So, I figured it was time for another belly pic. This may be the last one I post--since I'm not loving how huge I look and feel. And since I'm struggling to just survive these last few days. So, here it is folks:

Another Belly Pic

2009-09-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

So, here's the latest belly pic, courtesy of my good friend AmyO. I was out to dinner with some girlfriends--and had the best time! I'm now only 7 and 1/2 weeks from my due date. Yes, I still have some time to get even bigger--if you can believe it. I've started growing out of my maternity clothes. Which means I'll probably be down to 1 or 2 outfits by the time this little guy gets here.

I had some very helpful friends point out that, with all the drama of last fall, by the time this baby gets here, I'll have been pregnant for a year. Yep. A full year of pregnancy. Unfortunately, I had already realized that. I'm so ready to be done. But at least this pic is prettier than the last one. Thanks Amy!

NOT TRUE!

2009-09-13T12:38:00.001-07:00

I've heard it said that "Silence is Golden". Yeah, right. At my house, silence means this is happening:

Now I need to go clean a windowsill and Munchkin while I try not to cry. So much for my complete success of a day.

Success

2009-09-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

We are back from Stake Conference. I nearly didn't go--the thought of wrangling 2 kids by myself for 2 hours at church did not sound enticing. But we got dressed, packed snacks, and went. And we survived! We stayed the full 2 hours. The kids were remarkably good. Which means I didn't want to shake them until the last 20 minutes. I couldn't believe it! I didn't really hear much of the meeting, and I don't feel like I got much spiritual nourishment for myself. But I went where I was supposed to go--and I have to believe that I'll be blessed for that. And I'm teaching the kids that we go to church even when it's hard. That has to count for a few gold stars in heaven, right?

Now if I can just get my energy back up and get a few dishes done, I'll consider the day a complete and total success.

Epiphany

2009-08-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

I realized something about myself after I took Zippy to school this morning:

I am a mini-van-owning, carpool-driving, soccer mom. I live in the suburbs; and I have 2.5 kids and a dog.

Seriously, people. I AM the statistic. Freaky.

Now I just have to decide if I'm going to emrace my normalcy or if I need an emergency trip to my hairdresser to dye my hair pink.

I'm so not this grown up.

School Days

2009-08-31T05:32:00.000-07:00

Zippy has started Kindergarten. He started last Thursday. I truly expected to cry, and I was a little, tiny bit sad on my way home from taking him. But no tears. None. He didn't cry either. I think we're both REALLY ready for him to be in school. He's so curious and energetic--which translates into constant questions and talking. He's ready for new information, new friends, and someone new to ask questions of. And I'm ready for a break.

Here's Munchkin and Zippy just before we left for school. Munchkin was a big help keeping her brother excited and not nervous.

Zippy in all his Kindergarten-age glory.

I was a little afraid that Munchkin would throw a fit about not being able to stay at school with Zippy. But she was actually just fine. I think she likes being Mommy's Big Helper. I'm so proud of my little guy for being so ready for school. Not a single tear or whine or problem! Go Zippy!

Finished!!!!

2009-08-24T05:58:00.000-07:00

I finally finished one of my big projects! I decided to do all my Christmas projects now--so I won't have to worry about any of them once the baby arrives. And I just finished one of the biggest ones--new Christmas stockings for our family. This will be the first Christmas that Santa fills stockings at our house instead of going directly to Grandma's. I just can't imagine getting all of us and a newborn baby to Mom's that early. So, Santa will visit us here--and then after a lazy breakfast we'll make our way to Grandma's house.

So tell me what you think of the stockings. The pictures came out blurry, but that's what I get for trying to take pictures before 7 in the morning.

2009-08-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update:

I failed my 1 hour glucose test last week, so I had to go in and do the really yucky 3 hour glucose tolerance test this week. UGH! But I passed. My blood sugar was normal, and I DON'T have gestational diabetes. YAY!!! I'm getting huge and uncomfortable and hot and cranky--i.e. I'm pregnant. LOL

Now if I can just get rid of the field mouse that got in the house, and clean this dang place, I'll be set. Wish me luck

Preggo Pic

2009-07-27T19:13:00.001-07:00

OK, because I love you so much. And because I've been so bad about keeping in touch and actually seeing anyone I care about lately, here's a pic of what you've been missing. Can you believe that I've still got 3 months left to grow?!? Ugh. I've been told some women glow when they're pregnant. I just grow.

Catching Up

2009-07-22T11:16:00.001-07:00

Life has been so full and crazy it's been tough to get on here and update anything. But now we have a day or two between family visits, so it's time to touch base.

My house is cleaner today than it has been in months. The dishes are done (except the ones the kids are eating lunch on right now). All the beds are made--the bathrooms are clean and disinfected--the kids rooms are picked up--the entire upstairs has been vacuumed. It feels wonderful!!! But the sad part is there's still tons of dirt and grime and clutter waiting for my attention. I think the Housekeeping Fairy missed our house while I was sick. It's taking FOREVER to dig us out of it.

On more happy news: We're having a BOY!!! We're very excited. Everything seems to be going quite well at this point. All the complications are gone (keep your fingers crossed that nothing else happens). I've got just over 3 months left, which seems both extremely short and ridiculously long.

Zippy starts Kindergarten in a month. My feelings on this change by the moment. Mostly, when he's next to me asking his incessant questions, I'm more than happy to send him to someone else for a couple hours. But when he's quiet or in the other room playing, I worry I'll miss him a little. Ah well, either way, he's going.

And last, but not least, I have discovered a new way to get Munchkin to do whatever I want her to do. If I ask her, the answer is invariably "NO!" But if I ask her teddy-bear to help her do it, then it's a game! YAY! Any bets as to how likely this is to last beyond the end of today?

My favorite gift

2009-07-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, my sister, Melissa, took a trip to Prince Edward Island. She came back with perhaps the best birthday present I've ever received. She visited a little ice cream shop called Cows, and found me a t-shirt! I'm still terribly sad I can't wear it--but my preggo belly is WAY too big. So, I just pull it out to look at every few days and giggle. I can't help it. Are you ready for this? Are you sure? I'm still dying over it! I couldn't find a picture of it on the Cows website, so I took my own. . . hope it turns out OK.

He's got that moody expression and he sparkles!!! One of the best parts, I think, is that it says, just to the side of the picture "this is a parody." HA! Cause we wouldn't want anyone to think this is an actual picture of the actual Edward. . . .LOL. I'm SO in love with this shirt! Thanks Melissa!

Baby Update

2009-05-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

I had another appointment with my midwife today. The baby's heartbeat sounds good, and the bleeding seems to be tapering off. Everyone keep your fingers crossed about that! I'm still sick most nights, but it does seem to be getting a little better. I'm still hopeful that will be all but gone by the end of the month. Our next appointment isn't for another 4 weeks, but that's when we have another ultrasound and we (hopefully) get to learn the baby's gender! YAY

Save Second Base

2009-05-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, my family participated in the annual Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. It's an event we attend annually--in memory of my grandmothers, Margaret Thompson and Merle Thorne, who both died from breast cancer. And in celebration of my Mom, Sandra, who fought of the nastiness and who is now 8 years past the end of her treatment! YAY MOM!!!!! Of course, I didn't walk this year. I'm pretty sure everyone I know would have tried to hurt me if I had tried to walk. I'll try another year when I'm not dealing with a complicated pregnancy.

One of the favorite things about this annual race/walk is all the t-shirts that people wear. It's the one day of the year that any and all boob jokes are totally OK. They range from the fairly tame and kinda sweet "Bosom Buddies" (a team of men that walked this year), all the way to the fairly risque and tacky. Another favorite this year was a bunch of men that had on pink bras that said "Show Your. . . Support!" LOL I just love to see so many people coming together to raise money and show support for such a good cause. There are way too many people being affected by this disease. . . and we should fight back with every resource we have.

One of my personal favorite slogans this year was "Save Second Base" Oh man I love that one! It took Mom and Dad just a second to get that one--which only made it funnier to the rest of us.

And in tribute to Mom--for whom this day is an annual celebration of life--here's her favorite t-shirt slogan:

"Of course they're fake. . . The real ones tried to kill me!"

Stop the World I Want to Get Off

2009-04-09T08:49:00.000-07:00

So, here's the latest drama for those of you I haven't talked to in a while. In February, I got pregnant (SURPRISE!!!!). Then, a couple weeks later, I started to bleed. I don't want to gross anyone out, but it was heavy enough that we assumed I had miscarried. I continued to both bleed and be nauseated for a week--so we figured it was about time to figure out what was going on. After some testing, we went in for an ultrasound and discovered I was still pregnant and bleeding (SURPRISE AGAIN!!!!). As of now, I'm 9 weeks along, very nauseated, but at least the bleeding seems to have healed itself. I'm rarely online, and not in contact with very many people any other way either. I'm sorry to those who feel neglected. I'm in survival mode (and not doing a very good job of that either). I'm hopeful that by the end of May I'll be past this and will be able to be human again. I really don't want to spend my birthday sick. I'd love to hear from any of you that want to contact me, but I won't be reaching out for a while yet. And if you have any more surprises--yeah, just don't tell me right now. I'm done with surprises for a while.

Bad Day

2009-03-04T12:59:00.000-08:00

I had a very bad day yesterday. I keep telling myself that they'll start to be less often, but it hasn't happened yet. I was looking over the past couple months on the calendar for something totally innocent when I realized that, had I still been pregnant, I would have had my ultrasound last week or the week before. I would be getting big (read huge, cause it's what I do); I would know the gender of my baby; and I would be more than half-way to holding my child. So, I spent a good portion of yesterday feeling sad and empty. I gave myself a headache trying not to cry, and still broke down and sobbed multiple times (once in public for which I'm going to be forever embarrassed). I did however manage to make it through teaching piano without crying and scaring my students. And I had a roast in the crock pot before I crumbled, so the day wasn't a total waste.

Today I feel fragile, tired, and a little puffy around the eyes. And irritated that now I have 2 days worth of work to try to fit into one.

Normally, when I feel this way, I would never post about it. I don't like to talk or be public when this happens. However, many of you that I love have been asking how I'm doing, so now you know. I really am fine; but if I answer your inquiries by saying I'm "here" or "upright", it's probably because that's a success considering I'm in the middle of this type of bad day.

2009-02-12T11:33:00.000-08:00

This is a sign Rae just gave me. It SO describes my life right now. It's time for Spring Cleaning to begin.

Thank You

2008-12-30T21:24:00.000-08:00

As you can see, my blog has a great new look. I owe that to one of the most important people in my life--AmyO. My life would not be as blessed as it is without you, my love!

This is my first post since some major changes in our lives. I'm not ready to write much about it, but we've suffered a miscarriage. Thank you to everyone who has expressed their love and concern. Most of you have not heard from me in quite a while. Please know that I love you and thank you for your thoughts and prayers. We're doing OK, but I'm finding it easier to hibernate for a while until I no longer feel so raw. Hopefully soon I'll be back to enjoying my new, ever-so-pretty blog. I love you all so much and I'm so grateful to have your support during this time.

Sick

2008-11-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

I'm 5 weeks into this pregnancy. . . and I'm sick. Not only has the "morning" sickness kicked in, but I have a cold. And since I'm pregnant, all the good meds are off-limits. UGH!!!! And I'm grumpy about it all. I probably won't update here very often--there's just not much to say when I feel this crappy. I'll just leave you all with this last parting thought: the idiot who named this all-encompasing, ever-present, often debilitating nausea "morning sickness" ought to be drug out into the street and shot. Along with the moron who first claimed pregnancy only lasts 9 months--last time I counted 40 weeks equals 10 months, thank you very much!

Huge Changes in Store

2008-11-03T10:41:00.001-08:00

So all my plans to regularly update this blog have fallen by the wayside, but for very good reasons.

A few weeks ago, the wards in my area were split and reorganized. Which put us in a brand new ward. The very day they did this, I got a call to ask me to meet with the new bishopric, oh and could the Z-Man come with me? UGH!! I knew they weren't to the small callings yet, and I was right. I am now the new Primary President for the Harvest Hills 9th Ward. For those who don't know, that means I (along with my 2 counselors and secretary) am in charge of all the kids 18 months to 12 years old. And since it's a new ward, that means getting ALL the teachers, coordinators, and other leaders in place FAST!!!

As if this wasn't enough to keep me insanely busy for the next few months, we just confirmed on Friday that I am pregnant!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Yes, it's planned. Yes, I'm more excited than I can say. And Yes, I know it's fairly crazy of me to accept such a big responsibility in the ward when I'm getting ready for baby #3. Oh well. That's my life.

I had originally planned to keep word of this pretty low-key. And wait for a few months to tell the general public--but I SUCK at keeping this kind of secret when it's my own. I can keep someone else's secret for the rest of my life if asked to--but my own seem to just burst out of me at the most inopportune times. So, if I seem to disappear for weeks at a time from whatever form of communication you're used to from me, you can either blame it on massive Primary work, or the fact that very soon I'll be spending the majority of my evenings worshiping the porcelain god. Wish me luck!

Rhonda Rocks!

2008-10-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the women who have shpaed my life--both past and present. I've been reminded that we are all sisters adn vital to each other's happiness. That is, without a doubt, true in my life. And it's high time I pay tribute to these women (plus it's a good way to blog without having to come up with topics!)

What better place to start than with the woman who inspired the title of my blog:

RHONDA!!!

First of all, your stalker skills are unsurpassed! If you hugged Peter and I hugged you, does that mean I hugged Peter? (oh please, oh please, oh please). Your sense of humor is irreverent, unexpected, and guaranteed to make me laugh. Who else would inspire me to track down a pioneer dress, spiked collar, and goth boots (pictures coming as soon as I can). I envy your drool-worthy scrapbook room and bow down to your superior talent. My life is brighter and certainly a lot more fun with you in it. Thanks for your smiles and your unconditional love. Forks wouldn't be my heaven without you there! Besides, who's going to tailgate my Meg Mobile on my way there if you're not behind the wheel of your H2? LOL

For Rae

2008-10-13T10:53:00.000-07:00

OK, so I'm finally getting back to my blog. There's lots to catch up on, but I'll probably forget most of it by the time I get to writing about it. I just LOVE how well my brain works now that I have kids!

But now I am finally getting back to a tag from Rae, so here goes:

8 TV shows I love to watch:
I really watch very little TV now. I'd much rather read or craft or just hang out with the Z-man. But, if I were to have to choose it would be in no particular order
1. What Not to Wear
2. Good Things Utah
3. The Rachael Ray show
4. Law and Order (the original is still the best)
5. Numbers
6. House (but I have a weak stomach so I have to look away a lot)
7. How to Look Good Naked
8. Paula Deen's cooking shows (I gain weight just watching the yumminess!)

8 Things That Happened Yesterday
1. We made it to church on time!
2. Zippy bore his testimony
3. Munchkin refused to nap--a very disturbing trend I'd hate to see continued
4. I had a HUGE turn-out at choir! YAY!!
5. I made it through church without having to put either kid in time-out
6. We had an AMAZINGLY powerful Relief Society meeting
7. I actually made it to bed on time
8. Munchkin continued to wake up every couple of hours all night--I'm really tired of that

8 Favorite Places to Eat
1. Mom's kitchen
2. My kitchen
3. Bajio/Cafe Rio
4. The Garden (on the top of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building)
5. Iceberg drive-in
6. Jimmy-John's
7. Cafe Fresh
8. Macaroni Grill

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To
1. Twilight the movie!!!!
2. Christmas--I've never grown out of it
3. Halloween--I LOVE dressing up
4. The next TwilightMOMS get-together
5. The next meeting of my Visiting Teaching "trio"
6. Next month's "day off" courtesy of Mom
7. My brother and his kids coming to visit
8. The next book by Catherine Anderson coming out in January

8 Things on My Wishlist
1. Classical music (esp. piano)
2. Goth boots and a pioneer dress (for canning)
3. Twilight the movie to watch whenever I want (i.e. every day)
4. Books, books, and more books
5. A shopping spree at IKEA
6. Funky new clothes
7. Long hair--mine grows way too slowly
8. A compound where me and all my favorite people could live close together

Stupid Shiny Sun

2008-09-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

Usually, I'm up a long time before the kids. Not this morning. This is the first thing I heard this morning thanks to Zippy:

"The sun's coming up."
*incoherent mumbling from me *
"The sun says it's morning." This time accompanied by a little shake of my arm.
"The sun says it's time to get up Mommy!"

This last sentence was shouted in my ear. I figured that since I would now need a massive dose of pain-killer to get rid of the headache I suddenly had, I might as well start the day. Stupid, shiny sun. He and I are going to have a long talk about waking my kids up. . . .

I DID IT!

2008-09-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

I'm still digging myself and my house out from the chaos of me being gone for 4 days, but I've surfaced long enough to point out that I did it: I WENT TO FORKS!!!

So, now I can truly say it's like I've died and gone to Forks!

I'll post more pics and details soon, now back to the dishes that waited for me!

3 days!

2008-09-08T07:56:00.000-07:00

That's right! Only 3 days left until I hop on a plane and take myself up to Forks!!!! Like a friend pointed out yesterday, I'll finally be able to justify the title to this blog. LOL Truly, I can hardly think of anything else. . . unless you count all the laundry, cleaning, packing, etc. I need to do before I leave. We just won't talk about that.

For the past 2 weeks, Z-man has been denying the existence of this trip. "You're not going anywhere," "I don't know what you're talking about," "What trip?" "What's Twilight?" Really funny stuff (insert eye-roll here). We'll just see what he says when he's in charge of our little world without me. What's Twilight indeed.

Count-Down

2008-08-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

3 weeks from right now, I will be getting ready to board a plane to Seattle.

That's right, folks. 3 weeks from today is the beginning of my trip to Forks, Washington. . .I really will have Gone to Forks!!!!

I might be a little excited. I also might be having a hard time focusing on anything else today.

Is it a sign of insanity if I spend the day dancing around and chanting "3 weeks"?

Guilty Pleasures

2008-08-15T11:34:00.001-07:00

I've recently been reminded by my ever-so-kind-and-loving girlfriends, that I adore quite a few things that make them snicker and giggle--and roll their eyes on occasion. I thought it would be a hoot to list as many of them as I can. So, in the name of making those I love laugh today, here's my list of guilty pleasures: i.e. things I really shouldn't love like I do:

**"Dude Where's My Car?"--come on, it's hilarious!
**Demolition derbies
**Twilight/Stephenie Meyers--this is way beyond guilty pleasure but I still get some eye-rolls over it
**Ace of Base
**Romance novels (although Rae keeps me within strict bounds--thanks babe!)
**Dukes of Hazard--either the old show or the new movie--lovely mindless viewing pleasure!
**Manual (i.e. stick shift) engines--ooh the power!
**Mac computers--but really, they all want one too!

This just barely scratches the surface! What are your guilty pleasures?

Delicious Destruction

2008-08-13T09:15:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday we went to the Salt Lake County Fair as a family. Now, before you get all teary-eyed with cute images of our little family strolling through the animals and baked goods being all lovey, you should know why we went. One reason and one reason only: the Demolition Derby.

For those who don't know what that is (and really, you all should), it's a bunch of people (guys mostly) with too much time and an extra car. They take all glass, etc out of said extra car and use it to smash into each other. It's a grown up version of bumper cars. And it is one of the best ways to spend a summer Saturday night ever!!!

I know, I know, I come across all sophisticated and urbane (snorts and snickers appropriate here). But Z-man and his roomies introduced me to the joy that is a demolition derby when we were still first dating. Translation: I was still up for anything becuase I was trying to impress him. And I have been hooked ever since. My parents think I've lost my mind. Many of my girlfriends laugh at me. But until you have heard the snarl of a beefed-up engine followed by a very satisfying crunch of folding metal and the accompanying roar of an excited (and mostly drunk) crowd, you'll never know the thrill that is a demolition derby.

So, here's to those drivers with too much adrenaline and too many cars! Thanks for making my summer!

It's Finally Here!

2008-08-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

Breaking Dawn is finally here--and I'm finally finished reading. OK, who am I kidding--I was finished less than 24 hours after getting it in my hot little hands. (Thanks Rachelle for bringing it to me at 1 am--I owe you big!). All I can say is WOW!!! It's amazing--and surprising--and not at all what I expected! And my brain is still too fried from being up too late and reading too much to say any more than that! Read it!

It Happened One Night

2008-07-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

Friday night, I got the chance to feel like I was a teenager again, and it's all thanks to "the Lisa".

Lisa was asked to meet a photographer from the Salt Lake Tribune to meet him at the Provo City Cemetery Friday night for a photo shoot. (the story comes out Aug 1--look for it--it's gonna be awesome!). So, I got to go along as "protection". . . which mostly means it's creepy to meet a strange man in a cemetery at night and wouldn't you want a girlfriend with you too?

So, first of all we arrived and I was reminded again how beautiful that cemetery is. Then we all noticed that the signs say the gates close automatically at dusk. So, after some drama with Lisa's keys being locked in the car (we're laughing WITH you, Lisa) we move her car and then head out to find a place to take these pics. It's just after 9 pm, and I realize as I'm looking around that we're in the perfect spot at the perfect time to see the haunted headstone that glows at twilight! I don't know the story (I heard way too many conflicting versions in High School), but there's a headstone that glows at twilight, and we got to see it. Ah the wonders of polished marble and neon lights across the street. LOL

The photographer showed up and was totally awesome (Hey Jimmy!), and the shoot itself was so cool! We found a great headstone to use, and I got to watch the way he set up all his cool equipment and delayed exposures and lighting effects and all sorts of cool stuff. And then, he asked me to help with the lighting. (I am now a pro at holding a flashlight and pointing it in the right direction LOL) We laughed and joked the whole time, but it just got better at time went on. Because when we were finally done, we realized that the gates had been closed for quite some time, there were no openings in the fence anywhere, and we would have to climb out. Jimmy kept apologizing, but Lisa and I couldn't have been happier--we got to climb the fence to escape the cemetery after a photo shoot with a newspaper. Does it really get any better than that?!?

With help from Lisa's hubby, we found a concrete and rock pillar to climb and made our escape. Which we promptly celebrated with hot-fudge sundaes from McDonald's. What a night! I haven't had this much fun since I was a teenager! Who knew TMs could keep me so young!

Be Safe!

2008-07-24T09:07:00.001-07:00

I was planning on blogging today about the vacation we took last week. . . and I will probably do that still later today or tomorrow.

But after reading Rae's blog today--I simply must say something to all the women (and men) in my life:

BE SAFE!!!

Do whatever you need to do whenever you need to do it.
You are too important to me--my life would not be the same without you.
So, whether or not you think you need to, take stock of your life and make whatever changes or adjustments you need to in order to BE SAFE! If not for yourself, do it for me. I'm too selfish to do without any of you!

Great Declutter Challenge

2008-07-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

Because of the sad state of our homes, a couple friends and I have decided to declutter our homes together. We're going to choose areas of our home to work on at the same time, and report with before and after pictures. I figured everyone ought to enjoy the journey with me. So enjoy!

2008 Declutter Day 1

Office

Our "office" is just a corner of the master bedroom--but that corner gets overwhelmed easily and often. So it was a great place for me to start. Here's the before:

And, after 1/2 hour of work (not to bad if I do say so myself), here's the after:

Still a little cluttered--but in a small house with 4 people and a dog, what can you do. Now to find out how much of the rest of the house was trashed while I did this. . . .

Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN-the-Bottle

2008-06-24T13:52:00.001-07:00



		I will marry Mr. Darcy.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Virginia in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 1 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Whilte Austin Martin.
		I will spend my days as a Romance Novelist, and live happily ever after.

My BFF

2008-06-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

Since she's the one who convinced me to start this blog in the first place, I thought Rae deserved some recognition. And since my favorite way to do that is to embarrass her and make her laugh, here are some of my favorite recent Rae stories:

After returning home from a recent trip, Rae's friend picked her up at the airport. He came with a gift: an all-day sucker.

**Anyone with as dirty a mind as Rae and I have is already giggling.**

He, however, does not. He likes to think he does, but he most certainly does not. His response to Rae's comments about the sucker was: I brought you 2 all-day suckers. I'm the other sucker for coming to get you whenever you want!

Dude, does the man realize what he just offered?!? Nope. And that's the funniest part!

A couple weeks ago, with the same friend, Rae took a walk in an old cemetary. This is not odd behavior for Rae--she's just that eclectic (er, I mean classy). But what was odd is that they found a knife--creepy. So, being the upright citizens they are (insert laugh here), they called the police to report it and turn it in. Here's the best part: when the officer showed up, he was a tall hottie named Officer Roarke! *Swoon* So what does my BFF do? She calls me immediately of course--cause she knew I'd swoon with her. Ah, Roarke.

For those who don't get why that last story makes me grin, you really need to read the murder myster/romance books by J.D. Robb.

And now, just to make Rae laugh, here's my last tribute for today to her and our friendship:

I HAVE MACE!!!!!

I love you babe!

I Wanna Drive the Bookmobile

2008-06-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

I just found my dream job.

When my kids are grown and gone, I want to drive the Bookmobile. Not only would I get to spend my days surrounded by books, but I'd get to travel all over the county too! I'd be a traveling librarian. And truly, I don't really care if they pay me or not--which I'm guessing will make me the perfect employee. LOL

So, in about 15 years or so, when you see me at the DMV getting my CDL (which the Z-Man tells me I must have), you'll know why.

Someday, I wanna drive the bookmobile.

Cute? Crazy? YEP!

2008-06-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

The other week, I was in the store looking for new pajamas--the holes had taken over my old ones. So, I decided scrubs and a t-shirt would be comfy--then, I found this and couldn't resist:

I think this sums me up pretty darn well.

You Mean Me?!?

2008-06-01T08:10:00.001-07:00

I've been trying to blog this story for quite a while now, but every time I tell it, it sounds like I'm bragging. In fact, there are dozens of my close friends who should hear this story, but I HATE sounding like I'm proud of myself--or like I think I'm something special. I've decided that can't be helped--every time I think about this, I get giddy. So, if I'm bragging, I guess we'll all survive.

I met someone whom I admire a great deal. In fact, in my eyes, this person has reached celebrity status. I was terribly nervous, and excited, and giddy, and bewildered that it could even happen to me. But meeting this person didn't turn out to be the best part! It got better!

We spent quite a bit of the time together talking about movie stars and other famous people that this person has met. All of the "beautiful people" I dream about meeting. Then, as I'm standing next to this person who I admire so greatly, they turn to me and say "You are SO beautiful!"

I think my heart stopped beating for a second. I'm quite surprised I didn't drop right then and there. And I was absolutely certain I had imagined the whole thing. Except that everyone around me heard the same thing!

Now, I know that my mother has been telling me all my life that I'm beautiful. My friends tell me that too, and I'm going to assume that the Z-Man still likes the way I look. But to have someone I admire from afar--who has met some of the most beautiful people on the planet--and who I have just met (so they would have no alterior motive, right?)--tell me I'm beautiful. . . .well, that just made my lifetime!

So, thanks! I'm going to go do more happy dancing now.

LIterary Lessons

2008-05-28T12:16:00.000-07:00

I have been devouring books right and left lately. It seems I can't get enough of it. I plan my day around the best times to read (i.e. when Zippy and Munchkin are asleep or occupied), and it's rare I'll go more than an hour without slipping a few pages in. But while I've been enjoying my forays into my imagination, my reality has been suffering neglect.

I've decided that, rather than try to stop reading (like that's gonna happen), I need to apply lessons learned from the books I'm drawn to and improve reality while I'm at it. So, for today, my literary observations are thus:

The "leading ladies" I'm drawn to share a number of traits. And they are traits that are sorely lacking in my own life. They are strong women who put duty before pleasure, but who take pleasure in their work. They are not ashamed of or embarrassed by what they're passionate about. And, while some of my favorites enjoy and thrive on literature, they certainly don't spend months on end with their noses buried in books--they stand up and live their lives the best they can with whatever they're given.

Well, I keep wondering why my life never turns out like the books I read, so I guess there's part of the answer. I can't live that exciting of a life with my nose in a book--I actually have to get off my chair and live it. Wish me luck!

Broktoon

2008-05-14T07:49:00.001-07:00

Two days until Stephenie Meyer (a.k.a. Empress of Sexy) arrives in town. Two days until I'm standing in front of her, meeting her, and getting my books signed!

Excuse me for a moment while I have a fangirl moment:

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

OK, I'm done now.

Good News

2008-05-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

There have been many good things happen since I last posted, and since my brain refuses to kick into gear, all I'm going to do is list them:

My computer is back up and running after a week-long "vacation".

The Z-Man starts his great new job this Sunday.

My brother gets to call home from his mission on Sunday.

I own 2 copies of the Host by Stephenie Meyer.

I also have 2 tickets to her Utah book signings.

In just over a week, I will be attending said signings with other Twilight Mom friends.

My best friend Rae is going to come visit in June--we actually get to celebrate her birthday together!

My other best friend Sarah is going to read the same books I've been reading lately--a perfect situation for many great conversations and laughs together.

I now have a new nickname: "The Transformer" which I'm still not convinced I deserve, but which makes me giggle.

Most of all, I have a life full of friends and family whom I know love me unconditionally. What better feeling is there!

2008-04-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

Still no news on the job.

Still waiting.

Still grumpy about it.

But at least it's getting closer and closer to the very exciting month of May. If I survive all the Twilight/Host/Mother's Day/birthday excitement planned for the next few weeks, it'll be a miracle. That's the kind of busy that I love!

Limbo

2008-04-21T13:26:00.001-07:00

I hate waiting. I hate not knowing what's coming, and I hate having to wait for someone to tell me how my life is going to change.

Still no word yet about a job change for the Z-man.

I don't mind change--really, I don't. As long as I can have complete control over it and know beforehand exactly how things are going to turn out, I don't mind change at all.

I just hate waiting. GRRRR.

Because I'm bored. . . .

2008-04-14T19:56:00.001-07:00

And don't have anything better to do tonight, here's more information than you ever wanted to know about me:

1. What is your occupation? Mother, homemaker, piano teacher, Twilight enthusiast

2. What color are your socks right now? non-existant. It's way too warm for socks

3. What are you listening to right now? KOHS--the local high school alternative music station

4. What was the last thing you ate? A Coldbuster from Jamba Juice

5. Can you drive a stick shift? You better believe it baby!

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Some form of yellow

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? RAE!!!

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? You bet! Sarah, you're still one of my favorite people ever!

9. Favorite drink? Dr. Cullen--no question

10. What is your favorite sport to watch? volleyball--the ONLY one I enjoy watching

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, but I get bored with it too easily to commit to anything drastic.

12. Pets? One mutt named Bear

13. Favorite food? Strawberries and chocolate--preferrably together

14. Last movie you watched? Other Side of Heaven--Z-man had it on and I half-watched while catching up online

15. Favorite day of the year? My birthday--the only day I can be truly selfish without guilt!

16. What do you do to vent anger? Call Rae, post on TMs, and mostly cry

17. What is your favorite season? Tie between Spring and Fall

18. Hugs or kisses? Um, it depends on whom it's from. . . . Mostly hugs, unless we're talking about the Z-man. . . .

19. When was the last time you cried? When I heard my dear friend's MIL was losing her battle with cancer.

20. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes, dust, and some laundry that fell out of the basket

21. Favorite smells? Chocolate, fresh bread, my babies when they've just been bathed

22. Who inspires you? Rae, Z-man, my mother, and my TM sisters

23. What are you afraid of? Bees--don't ask, it isn't pretty

24. Favorite car? Astin Martin--they're sexy, fast, and Z-man doesn't know how to tinker with them ;)

25. Number of keys on your key ring? 4--my van, Z-man's car, Z-man's truck (not the classic Chevy, dang it!), and our house

26. How many years at your current job? Well, Zippy's 4 now, so. . . .

27. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday--random I know, but it's my break in teaching piano, and I'm halfway through the week--a very hopeful thought.

28. How many states have you lived in? 2 Kansas and Utah

29. Do you think you're funny? It depends on how many Dr. Cullen's I've had and whether Rae, AmyO, and/or Sarah are around

And there it is: Random and useless information about me that you probably never wanted to know.

But then again, there is this: I've actually posted 2 days in a row!!!! Who knew I had it in me!

GO ME!

2008-04-13T21:29:00.001-07:00

I’ve been thinking today about fear. Probably because I’m worried out of my mind about the expected job offer for Z-Man. But, nevertheless, I’m thinking about it. And I’ve decided that it’s been far too long since I started letting fear rule my life.

I’m afraid of failing at losing weight—so I just eat what I want and have gained way too much lately.

I’m afraid of not having enough money for what we need—so I spend way too much in a knee-jerk reaction.

I’m afraid of not writing the funniest, or most insightful, or most entertaining blogs—so I let all my thoughts and ideas pile up, wither, and disappear in my brain.

UGH!! I detest living this way. I hate feeling like I have to escape into poorly written fiction (the only kind I seem to be finding on-line lately) in order to avoid thinking about how I’m letting fear keep me from living my life. And while it will certainly take me a while (with many set-backs), I’m going to change the way I live my life. And actually enjoy the time I have—mistakes and all.

Here’s to imperfect, sloppy, sometimes painful REAL LIFE!
And as step one on this journey—I’m officially posting this entry without editing it—and without letting myself second-guess whether I want anyone else to see this about me or not. GO ME!

Compulsive Procrastination

2008-03-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

That's right everyone. . . I now have a name for my problem. Thanks to Rae, I can now easily explain why my house is such a mess. Anything and everything is more interesting than the task at hand.

Hi, I'm Megatha, and I'm a compulsive procrastinator.

On a lighter note, I have found the key to keeping my house clean. All I have to do is find a hot man for Rae somewhere near my house--because in her very own words: "I would totally clean for sex."

And finding a man to take care of my best friend's, um, needs has GOT to be more interesting than actually doing my cleaning myself, right?

And don't worry Rae, I'll supply all the mace you'll ever need ;)

Update!

2008-03-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

Great news! We're staying in Utah!!! I don't have to pack up the house and kids; I don't have to try to sell a house in this cruddy market; I don't have to worry about missing my traveling this summer! Z-man has been asked to allow a backgroud check by a great company in a final step before they offer him a job! Now maybe I can re-claim some brain cells and actually get something done today. . . . nah--too busy doing a happy dance!

Um. . . yeah.

2008-03-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

WOW! That's the only thought in my head this morning. I had every intention of posting something thoughtful, meaningful, blah blah blah. Then, last night, ZMan applied for a couple jobs way out of state. I didn't think he'd actually do it, but he did. I'm 1/2 giddy and 1/2 terrified. And absolutely no coherent thought can make it's way through the wall of "WOW" that is currently holding court in my mind.

Breakfast: The Most Important Meal

2008-02-25T08:24:00.000-08:00

This morning Munchkin started whining during breakfast. This is definitely not noteworthy, but the rest of breakfast was. Her whining started to sound different, and even the Z-Man noticed:

Z-Man: Is she howling? Are you a little werewolf?

Me (inside my head): WHAT?!? Did he actually say that?!? HA! I knew it!

Me out-loud: Yep, she’s a little werewolf—just like her Daddy.

Z-Man: Hey, I thought I was a vampire! (At which point he bites my neck)

Me (inside my head): Mmmmm, I love breakfast. . . .

I KNEW he was paying attention to my Twilight rambling; even if he denies it!

Latest Fashions?

2008-02-07T19:24:00.000-08:00

I had a bad Mommy moment yesterday. Nothing terrible, I just did the one thing you're NEVER supposed to do. I laughed at Zippy when he was doing something I keep telling him not to. But it wasn't my fault. I couldn't help it. I keep telling him to keep his clothes on, but I didn't exactly mean like this. He strutted into the room buck naked except for the underwear on his head. He walked right over to me and announced, "Mommy, this is my hat." And then turned, and marched straight back out of the room. I seriously couldn't help it. Bad Mommy; bad, bad Mommy. . .

2008-02-04T12:29:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I had more fun than, well, than before I had kids to be honest. I, along with 14 other women, spent Friday night and most of Saturday acting like 13-year-olds at a slumber party. A TwilightMoms slumber party. Thanks ladies! My world will never be the same!

And yes, that is a Bedazzler--way too much fun to use!

Truly, I've never been more at ease and comfortable with a whole group of women. Everyone loved everyone else for who they are--no pretenses and no judgments! It was heaven and I couldn't believe it ever had to end. Long live TwilightMoms!!!

I never claimed I didn't have issues.. .

2008-01-19T20:35:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my dear, dear TwilightMom friends. I'm so glad you've come to see my blog!

Speaking of Twilight, I was thinking that I ought to explain the title of my blog a little. Then, I thought better of it. If you want to know why Forks often equates with Heaven in my mind right now, GO READ TWILIGHT!!! K, enough ranting.

So, on to tonight's blog. Rae told me I should blog about tonight's topic, and I've put it off for days. You see, I really truly do think that I have issues. But I'm far too embarassed to admit what my real ones are. . .except to a very few. And even they only know part of what they think they know. Mostly because I know how blessed my life has been--and I simply don't think that I deserve to have issues. I realize, that sounds like an issue in and of itself--and it probably is. But really, my life has been so good, what right have I to claim that I have any trials that others should be sympathetic to? I should be the one who has all the resources to give back to those around me. I should be the one listening and trying to help. And I shouldn't ever have a bad day, let alone a bad streak (or heaven forbid actually feel depressed) because I REALLY TRULY have been blessed. And I know it. So, the more I think and write about it, the more I realize that I actually have issues about having issues. Is that really messed up? Probably, but like I said before: I never claimed I didn't have issues. . . .

Bathroom Blues

2008-01-14T14:41:00.000-08:00

I’m done potty-training Zippy. Not that he’s done potty-training, I’m just done with it. I would have thought that until he stands up to do his business, I wouldn’t need to wash the bathroom floor multiple times a day. I was wrong. He’s come up with a new trick that I’m simply not OK with. He refuses to um, aim down. . .so it all comes out under the seat. That means his clothes and the floor get soaked nearly every time. This is not what I signed up for.

2008-01-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

I have a problem. OK, so I have lots of problems, but let’s just take one at a time. My problem is I can’t seem to keep from sticking my foot in my mouth at the very moment that I’m supposed to be in charge and in control. It’s like a compulsion—and I usually don’t even realize I’m doing it until it’s far, far too late. This past Sunday was a perfect example. Recently I have rediscovered my love for alternative rock music—leaning more towards edgy, indy, and almost metal. And John and I have discovered a band called NightWish—whom we love! So on Sunday, I’m directing choir rehearsal like usual, and we start to work on breathing from the diaphragm rather than our chests. After we practice a few times, I’m trying to explain why it’s important to breathe that way when we sing. I start talking about Nightwish and the different sounds that their lead female singers have. Operatic vs. Rock. So, I’m going on and on talking about round sounds vs. sounds with a rough edge on the bottom, thinking I’m being so clever to use a current band as an example (how cool am I?!?) and then I realize that everyone, including the teenagers, are sitting there staring at me with VERY blank faces. “Oh,” I say. “I guess none of you listen to goth metal.” Wait, did I just admit in church to listening to goth metal?!? OOPS (the answer to the question above is—not cool at all). Then, I try to ignore my flub and keep going. I start talking about how to finish a phrase of singing when you’re running low on air. And nearly all the way through that explanation, I realize that I have now gone so far that I’m going to have to tell a former member of the bishopric to squeeze his butt to sing!!!! I nearly died!! Lands, I really have a problem. The filter between my brain and my mouth needs a serious tune-up.

Random Late Night Thoughts

2008-01-06T20:59:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about self-control and discipline lately. Probably because I’m severely lacking in both categories. I’ve added more than 5 pounds in the last month. I haven’t even tried to resist all the goodies the holidays have offered. I’ve indulged again and again. All the while keeping them as much as possible out of the hands of the kiddos and Z-man (hmm. . a little hypocritical Mommy?). And now I feel sluggish and out of sorts. Plus, since the day I picked up Twilight (most terrible and glorious day in recent months), my house and kids have suffered serious neglect. Now, I don’t mean to say that Social Services would in any way be concerned with what they see, but Zippy is definitely begging for attention at this point. And while Munchkin is faring better, it’s only because she’s innately more independent. And while I’m almost caught up on dishes and laundry, deep cleaning hasn’t taken place in . . .um, a while. And I’m afraid to look in the back of the fridge—I think there’s something in there that might look back. The computer is the only one that actually gets more attention now. It seems the easiest way to keep from re-vamping Twilight is to spend all my time on Twilight Moms talking about Twilight . . .and who knows what else. So, I definitely need more balance. And I can already tell it’s going to be very hard work to regain self-discipline. Plus, it’s just no fun!!!!! Ah well, I suppose I did choose to be a Mom, and a Wife, and a homemaker, and . . .my head hurts now. Well, like they say, tomorrow is a new day, and I can start again. Wait. . .who is “they”; is that what’s in the back of my fridge?!? I really need to sleep now. This is way too deep for after Pumpkin time.