I never claimed I didn't have issues.. .

Welcome to my dear, dear TwilightMom friends. I'm so glad you've come to see my blog!

Speaking of Twilight, I was thinking that I ought to explain the title of my blog a little. Then, I thought better of it. If you want to know why Forks often equates with Heaven in my mind right now, GO READ TWILIGHT!!! K, enough ranting.

So, on to tonight's blog. Rae told me I should blog about tonight's topic, and I've put it off for days. You see, I really truly do think that I have issues. But I'm far too embarassed to admit what my real ones are. . .except to a very few. And even they only know part of what they think they know. Mostly because I know how blessed my life has been--and I simply don't think that I deserve to have issues. I realize, that sounds like an issue in and of itself--and it probably is. But really, my life has been so good, what right have I to claim that I have any trials that others should be sympathetic to? I should be the one who has all the resources to give back to those around me. I should be the one listening and trying to help. And I shouldn't ever have a bad day, let alone a bad streak (or heaven forbid actually feel depressed) because I REALLY TRULY have been blessed. And I know it. So, the more I think and write about it, the more I realize that I actually have issues about having issues. Is that really messed up? Probably, but like I said before: I never claimed I didn't have issues. . . .

Bathroom Blues

I’m done potty-training Zippy. Not that he’s done potty-training, I’m just done with it. I would have thought that until he stands up to do his business, I wouldn’t need to wash the bathroom floor multiple times a day. I was wrong. He’s come up with a new trick that I’m simply not OK with. He refuses to um, aim down. . .so it all comes out under the seat. That means his clothes and the floor get soaked nearly every time. This is not what I signed up for.

I have a problem. OK, so I have lots of problems, but let’s just take one at a time. My problem is I can’t seem to keep from sticking my foot in my mouth at the very moment that I’m supposed to be in charge and in control. It’s like a compulsion—and I usually don’t even realize I’m doing it until it’s far, far too late. This past Sunday was a perfect example. Recently I have rediscovered my love for alternative rock music—leaning more towards edgy, indy, and almost metal. And John and I have discovered a band called NightWish—whom we love! So on Sunday, I’m directing choir rehearsal like usual, and we start to work on breathing from the diaphragm rather than our chests. After we practice a few times, I’m trying to explain why it’s important to breathe that way when we sing. I start talking about Nightwish and the different sounds that their lead female singers have. Operatic vs. Rock. So, I’m going on and on talking about round sounds vs. sounds with a rough edge on the bottom, thinking I’m being so clever to use a current band as an example (how cool am I?!?) and then I realize that everyone, including the teenagers, are sitting there staring at me with VERY blank faces. “Oh,” I say. “I guess none of you listen to goth metal.” Wait, did I just admit in church to listening to goth metal?!? OOPS (the answer to the question above is—not cool at all). Then, I try to ignore my flub and keep going. I start talking about how to finish a phrase of singing when you’re running low on air. And nearly all the way through that explanation, I realize that I have now gone so far that I’m going to have to tell a former member of the bishopric to squeeze his butt to sing!!!! I nearly died!! Lands, I really have a problem. The filter between my brain and my mouth needs a serious tune-up.

Random Late Night Thoughts

I’ve been thinking a lot about self-control and discipline lately. Probably because I’m severely lacking in both categories. I’ve added more than 5 pounds in the last month. I haven’t even tried to resist all the goodies the holidays have offered. I’ve indulged again and again. All the while keeping them as much as possible out of the hands of the kiddos and Z-man (hmm. . a little hypocritical Mommy?). And now I feel sluggish and out of sorts. Plus, since the day I picked up Twilight (most terrible and glorious day in recent months), my house and kids have suffered serious neglect. Now, I don’t mean to say that Social Services would in any way be concerned with what they see, but Zippy is definitely begging for attention at this point. And while Munchkin is faring better, it’s only because she’s innately more independent. And while I’m almost caught up on dishes and laundry, deep cleaning hasn’t taken place in . . .um, a while. And I’m afraid to look in the back of the fridge—I think there’s something in there that might look back. The computer is the only one that actually gets more attention now. It seems the easiest way to keep from re-vamping Twilight is to spend all my time on Twilight Moms talking about Twilight . . .and who knows what else. So, I definitely need more balance. And I can already tell it’s going to be very hard work to regain self-discipline. Plus, it’s just no fun!!!!! Ah well, I suppose I did choose to be a Mom, and a Wife, and a homemaker, and . . .my head hurts now. Well, like they say, tomorrow is a new day, and I can start again. Wait. . .who is “they”; is that what’s in the back of my fridge?!? I really need to sleep now. This is way too deep for after Pumpkin time.