Passion

I've been thinking about this post for a couple weeks now. I first had thoughts banging around in my head--quite loudly, really--but no time to put them down on paper. And then, when I did put them into words, they didn't sound right. I've been thinking and worrying and just plain procrastinating writing about this because it makes me uncomfortable. Both because I worry it will come off as self-righteous or pompous. And also because I'm not sure I truly do have the right words. But, I'm tired of worrying about it. And, really, I can only take so much thought-banging before I completely lose it. So, I'm going to be brave and write.



I've been told I should use my blog to share my passion. This poses a significant problem for me. Not the idea of being passionate--that's not a problem at all. But the idea of choosing one passion and limit myself to that is beyond me.

I tried listing what I'm passionate about to see if there was something I could focus on, and here's what I came up with:

Z-man--you really don't want to read this every day

my family--even I can't read about my own kids every single day

the happiness of my friends--but these are their stories to tell

reading--but no particular genre and my favorite book is always the one in my hand

music--again the genre always changes

hobbies--never the same one for long

cooking--but only when my kitchen is clean

grammar--and yes, I realize this makes me odd--it's why you love me

Do you see what I'm up against?

I consider myself to be a very passionate person, but rarely are those passions long-lived. I love to start new hobbies and projects. Finishing them, is a different story. I was passionate about Twilight for nearly 2 years. But now I'm much more interested in the friends I've made because of the experience than the books themselves. In fact, I've considered changing the name of my blog to better reflect my current passions. This is more a reflection of my perfectionism than a true need, however. I want everything to be just right all the time. I wanted to change the name to something that would perfectly reflect me and my life. Because that's not too much to ask of a few simple words at the top of a website, is it? LOL

So, as a solution that will both meet my need for things to be accurate and to force myself to make the best of what I have, the blog is staying with the original name. That, and I'm too lazy/busy to figure out how to change the name of a blog and would be much more likely to just start a new one. And I really don't want to have to do that.

For me, Forks is no longer associated with just Twilight, or vampires, or even Edward (sigh). For me, Forks now represents everything good and beautiful and meaningful in my life. Forks is the sense of self that I rediscovered through Twilight and TwilightMOMS and which I still struggle to maintain. Forks is all the people I love, the people who make me laugh, the people who affect the direction my life takes. Forks is my current passion--whatever it is I look forward to. Whatever currently makes it worth surviving the day. Forks, for me, is a place I can simply be who I am. Or where I can pretend to be who I want to be.

So that is what this blog is for me. An excuse to indulge myself; a place to laugh at myself; a reminder that I'm not alone unless I want to be. You're welcome to join me as often as you want. I can't promise regular updates--or interesting ones when I do write. But they will always be passionate.